Runaway
by Kibibe
Summary: After Bella learned from Laurant that Victoria was still after her. She ran away & left her old life behind in an attempt to save her loved ones. A few years later she runs into the Cullens again.
1. Stuck

**Runaway by Kibibe**

**Stuck**

It was the day before Christmas, and Bella was struggling to maneuver her 1965 Ford Mustang down the icy road up to Massena. At least she hoped that this still was the right road. Her roommate had invited her to spend Christmas with her and her family since she hadn't had anywhere else to go to. And although she hadn't really wanted to go, Roxie was pretty hard to say no to. The petite whirlwind sometimes reminded her of someone else she was once very found of. But those memories stung and she tried really hard not to think about her former life too much.

Instead she focused her concentration on the road, trying to make out its course in all the white on white mess before her. The weather was getting worse by the minute. By now she could hardly see anything but white. Maybe she was getting snow blind.

This ought to be a freaking blizzard! Bella groaned in frustration. If she'd just checked the weather report before her departure, but she had been in too much of a hurry. And she couldn't even listen to it now because her radio had died on her just a few days ago. The clock on the dashboard read almost 11 p.m. - already two hours behind her schedule. She frowned. Maybe she should have stopped at that last motel. There hadn't been any sign of civilization for miles now and the snow covering the roads got deeper and deeper.

Finally she could make out a street sign and she stopped right next to it to try and find out where the hell she was. But it was half covered in snow. So she grabbed her coat from the back seat and got out. Her foot completely vanished in the white mush along with half of her lower leg. The snow next to the road was even deeper as she fought her way up to the sign. She used her arms to wipe the white cover away and groaned. The right road, all right. But still hours from her destination.

Bella got back into her car, hoping that shed come across a motel or at least a gas station to sit this thing out. She turned the key in the ignition and the old engine roared to life but the car didn't move foreward. "What the hell?" She muttered and nudged the gas pedal again, but it wouldn't budge. "Oh no. Please not that too!" she exclaimed, and tears of frustration sprung in her eyes. She was stuck. Stuck in the middle of nowhere during a snow storm. Typical Bella type luck. The universe was just never going to cut her a break. Someone up there must have some seriously sick kind of humor.

She looked around frantic, but there was really nothing there. Nothing but snow and trees. So she grabbed her purse from the passenger seat and rummaged through it to find her mobile. One short look at it and that last string of hope was gone too. No Service. Great, she thought and threw herself back in her seat sinking her fingers into her hair.

"What am I supposed to do now? I'm gonna freeze to death out here!" Bella mumbled to herself. When would anybody ever find her out here? Shed probably be long dead by then. How long could she keep the car warm? Would it be better to turn the heaters on full force until the fuel was out so that it would take longer for the heat to evaporate afterwards, or would that just mean that the fuel wouldn't last as long? How many hours could she possibly stay alive in these conditions? The thoughts raced through her head.

Bella ultimately decided to turn the heaters on as high as they would go, and wait in the still warm car for someone to find her, or, if that didn't happen, for the weather situation to improve before she'd go and try to reach the next motel, or whatever token of civilization happened to be nearest, by foot. Of course no one came, the weather only got worse if anything and after a while the engine died. Then the heat in the car quickly faded. Soon she was shivering in her coat.

So she stuffed her phone and her purse into her over sized sports bag, pulled the hood of her coat over her head and stepped out of the car, hoping and praying to find some way out of this predicament.

The storm outside was terrible and the road was burried under a deep cover of snow - not that it would bother him. If it weren't for the need to keep up appearances, he could just run through it. His shift had ended late and he was on his way back home for the hollidays, the Jeep moving much to slow for his liking, when he spotted a tiny figure in the distance waddling through the snow on the edge of the road.

He frowned. She was bound to freeze to death out in that weather. There wasn't any civilization for miles to come. He knew he needed to help her. So he rolled down his window and slowly pulled up beside her. "Hey there, can I take you anywhere?"

After what felt like hours of stumbling through the freezing cold, Bella was vaguely aware of a car pulling up beside her. She'd been hoping for someone to find her, but she'd imagined it to be someone more official, someone with a snowplow or a police car or something. She debated internally whether she should try to run or ask whoever it was to help her out. Riding with strangers in the middle of nowhere usually wouldn't seem to be a good idea. But with her options here it certainly seemed like the best way to faire, even if he'd mean her harm. At least it would be over sooner and hopefully less agonizing than freezing to death. So she finally turned around wearily.

He wasn't sure at first if she'd even heard him and was about to make himself known again as she finally turned to look at him. Once he saw her face, he stopped dead in his tracks as did she. Both of them completely caught off guard.

"Bella?" He finally managed to gasp. She stared at him confused and squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head. When she opened them again, she groaned in frustration grabbing her head with her sleeve covered hands. "Great, now I'm hallucinating!" And with that she turned back around and started trudging through the snow again.

He was still staring at her baffled and it took him a moment to understand what she was saying. "What? No, Bella you're not!" He quickly cut the engine and got out of the car to catch up with her. "You're not hallucinating Bella. I'm really here." He grabbed her shoulders and turned her around to face him, taking in her appearance. Her lips were blue, she was shaking furiously, her breathing was quick and shallow and she looked exhausted. She seemed to have been out in the cold for some time now.

"What happened?" he whispered concerned. She stilled looked at him skeptically, and shook her head again but answered none the less. "Mmm c-car g-g-got st-stuck." He nodded and put an arm around her to navigate her to the Jeep. "Get in." He ordered holding open the passenger side door for her and taking her bag from her shoulder.

Bella hesitated a moment before she realized that she didn't have much of a choice here. If she really was hallucinating, she might as well embrace it and make her death just a tiny little bit more bearable. But if he really was here and not just a product of her imagination, he was probably the best thing that could have come at her. Well honestly the second best, which made the possibility that he really was here that much more likely because her imagination would surely have made her see someone else. And so she did as he told her and struggled to get into the car.

He noticed her struggles and lifted her into the seat before throwing her bag in the back seat and retrieving a thermal blanket. Then he got back behind the steering wheel, turned on the heat and the seat heating system, while tucking the blanked over her shivering form. When he caught her gaze he stopped in his tracks.

She looked so tiny, fragile and tired. It made his unbeating heart sting in his chest. Her head rested against the seat and she gazed in his direction, a small smile forming on her lips. "A-a-always w-w-wondered if I w-w-would ever see one of y-you again." she whispered almost inaudible and he returned her smile.

"Where were you going?" he asked.

Her gaze wandered off to the distance. "W-was s-supposed to spend Chri-chri- christmas with my r-r-roommate and her f-f-family up in M-m-massena, b-b-but c-c-car ..." She took a deep breath. Talking so much was pretty exhausting. "F-f-figured I'd w-w-walk ... next m-motel or s-s-something." She sighed and looked at him apologetically. "S-s-sorry to b-b-bother you. J-just d-drop me off at s-some m-motel." she finished.

He didn't wanna argue with her right now and the way she looked she would soon be asleep anyways, so he let that slide. But there was now way he would drop her off at some motel at Christmas eve after he finally found her again.

He parked the car in the garage and turned to look at the sleeping form beside him. He reached out to brush away the bangs that had fallen in her face. She was still slightly hypothermic. Then he got out of the car, walked over to the passenger side door and scooped her tiny frame up in his arms.

As he stepped into the living room with her in his arms Rosalie and Emmet turned to stare at him in disbelieve. The lights were dimmed and they were snuggled up on the couch watching a movie. "What ... ah ...?" Emmet stammered.

He walked past them up the stairs while explaining. "I found her out on the road. We need to warm her up." When he reached the top of the stairs Esme was standing in the doorway of their bedroom, gazing at him in shocked confusion. "Put her in our bed. I'll get some extra blankets." She ordered and was already on her way.

He laid her down on the bed and brushed the hair from her face absentmindedly. Then Rosalie was standing beside him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Esme and I will put some dry clothes on her." She stated. He nodded and left the room to give them some privacy and to retrieve Bella's bag from the car.

Esme also brought some of Alice's clothes. Bella looked almost as tiny as her now. After they had changed and covered her with some extra blankets, they left her to rest and retreaded to the living room where Emmet and Carlisle were waiting.

"Where are the others?" Carlisle spoke up embracing Esme.

"Out hunting." Rosalie answered. "But I'm sure they'll be back any minute now. Alice ought to have seen."

He nodded. "What's gonna happen now?" Esme asked looking up at him.

"I don't know."

"Did she say anything? How did she react?" Emmet demanded.

"Not much. She was going to spend Christmas with her roommate's family in Massena, but her car got stuck in the snow somewhere. That's all I know so far. I think she was glad to see me. Or maybe she was just relieved that she didn't have to die out there. I'm not sure." Carlisle explained.

"Well, I guess we'll just have to wait for her to wake up then." Rosalie concluded.

Then suddenly the front door flew open and Edward was standing in the living room, looking around frantically. "Where is she?" he demanded. Rosalie smirked. Like she had predicted. "Up in our room." Carlisle answered as Alice and Jasper stormed through the door and Edward raced upstairs. "But she's asleep and she needs to rest." Edward turned around looking at them exasperated. "Give her some time to rest, Edward." Esme chided him. He nodded and entered the room quietly trying to suppress his excitement. He could wait a few more hours.

Alice faced her family beaming. "She won't wake up till the morning. We can make her hot chocolate and some cinnamon rolls for breakfast. You know that recipe from the cooking show we saw yesterday? Im sure shell love it." she squealed almost bouncing.

As Carlisle glanced around he noted that it had been years since he had seen his family in such a light mood.

* * *

A/N: Revised again.


	2. nice to see you again

**Runaway**

**Nice to see you again**

Bella woke up with the nagging feeling, that someone was watching her and sure enough when she opened her eyes they gazed right into two faintly familiar butterscotch colored orbs. She shrieked and nearly fell off the bed, thinking she had seen a ghost.

Alice had been sitting cross legged next to the bed right in front of her face, waiting for her to wake up. Startled by Bella's reaction, she jumped to her feet and tried to calm her down. "It's OK. Calm down please. It's just me, Alice." She pleaded.

Bella stared at her in disbelief. "What the hell ... ?" She trailed off. Alice, seeming slightly offended, huffed crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Well nice to see you, too." She pouted.

"Alice? W... What are you doing here? You scared the hell out of me!" It wasn't until then that she noticed she wasn't in her room, and the events of the last night slowly came back to her conscience. "My car ... stuck ... Carlisle …?" She recapped while Alice observed with an amused expression. "Where am I?"

"You're at our house in Keeseville _and_ I'm afraid" Alice informed her, nodding towards the window,"you're stuck with us for the holidays." She squealed. "Can I hug you now?" Bella stared at her in disbelieve, but eventually shrugged. "I guess-"

Within blink of an eye she found herself in a death grip. "It's so good to have you back. We're gonna make cookies and watch christmassy movies in front of the fireplace, get drunk on Christmas punch and play in the snow and we can dress you up ..." She rambled while Bella struggled to breathe. "Ah ... Alice … need ... breathe!" Alice quickly let her go. "Oh sorry, I forgot how fragile you are." She grinned sheepishly.

"Well ... yeah ... sooo you have a nice room ..." Bella tried to make conversation. Not really knowing what to say. "Oh this isn't my room. It's Carlisles and Esme's. But I can show you mine if you want. I can give you a tour around the house. Oh and we made you cinnamon rolls and hot chocolate for breakfast. Well, actually it's more like a late lunch I guess. But you just got up, so it's breakfast for you. Anyway it was my idea. It's very christmassy, don't you think?"

Bella was starting to feel a little dizzy with all the exitement radiating off of the little pixie. It had been some time since she'd had to deal with that. She shook her head trying to clear it. She had just woken up and Alice already had the freaking sun shining out of her petite ass. But Bella wasn't that much of a morning person. Or rather a talking much in the morning person. Even if technically it wasn't really morning anymore.

"Where is the rest of the family?" She asked. "They're waiting for you downstairs. You can use the bathroom. I laid out Shampoo, towels and fresh clothes for you." She pointed out the bathroom. Bella nodded. "Alright. So I'll meet you downstairs in a few?" She dismissed Alice who looked a little taken aback, but nodded anyways and eventually left the room.

Bella let out a deep breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. Silence. Finally. She took a moment to take a look around the room. Antique looking dark wooden furniture, thick golden curtains and a huge oval mirror with a rich golden frame above the vanity. Very rich and warm. Very Esme. She noted.

Then she went into the bathroom. It was very dark, clad in royal blue venetian mosaic tiles. She stepped in front of the counter to inspected herself in the wide mirror. She looked awful. Her hair was a frizzy mess. Her face looked awfully pale and her lips were chopped. She noted that she wasn't in her own clothes. Someone must have changed her while she was out. That thought made a blush creep up her cheeks. Hopefully it had just been Alice. She had already seen her naked.

She tried not to think about that anymore, and instead grabbed her lady shaver out of her toiletry kit, took off the foreign nightie and stepped into the shower. As the warm water caressed her tight muscels she thought about what this encounter with the family she once wanted to be a part of would mean for her new life. Would they sent her away again, once the snow situation was under control? Or would they want to stay in touch? Did she even want that? Sure she had longed to see them again. But wouldn't it hurt her more, having them in her life again, and knowing that she can never be one of them?

Still pondering this she wrapped herself into the fluffy new towel and inspected the clothes Alice had laid out for her. She frowned. Alice had got to be kidding. She was here for ten minutes and Alice already tried to dress her up? A dark blue mini dress, ornamented lace tights, heels and a leather jacket? Would have been a nice outfit for a night at a club.

Bella shook her head and left the the bathroom in search for her bag with her own clothes in it. She found it by the window. Lucky Alice hadn't thrown it out right away. She dug through her clothes settling for Jeans, a T-Shirt and a cardigan. No shoes, but her nerdy reading glasses - just to piss Alice off.

As she descended the stairs everyone turned and stared at her – well Alice glared. She blushed and winked timidly mouthing "Hello" trying to avoid Edwards intense gaze. Though she had to admit, seeing that he was there had her heart like jumping up and cheering no matter how much she knew he didn't want her – proably didn't even want her in this house.

They couldn't believe how light and graceful she moved. Not much like the Bella they used to know. They had half expected her to fall rather than walk down the stairs. Once she reached the bottom, Jasper discreetly signalled Emmett to pay up. Bella caught it nonetheless and smirked. She sheepishly tugged her hair behind her ears as she approached the kitchen counter and settled on one of the bar stools kind of awkwardly.

Esme smiled warmly as she set a plate in front of her. "Did you sleep well, dear?" Bella nodded returning her smile. She grapped a cinnamon roll, picked on it and shoved the piece into her mouth. "Hmm this is good!" She exclaimed surprised. Alice and Esme smiled proudly.

"Soo .. you were on your way to visit your friend in Massena?" Edward asked impatiantly. Bella nodded while swallowing the food. "And you reside in …?" They all held their breath waiting expectantly. "New York City" She filled in the gab. They waited for her to specify, but she didn't. Finally Edward broke the awkward silence. "Why did you run away?" He asked in a somewhat accusing tone.

Bella's head snapped up as she nearly choked on the food. "How … How do you know about that?" She stammered. "We came back for you. You were gone. Charlie is devastated." Bella nodded slowly taking all this information in. "How could you do this to him? To your mother? How -" He got on accusing her. Accusing her of the very thing he had done she realized.

This was it. Bella jumped up and balled her hands to fists at her side. "Because I didn't have damn choice! I had to protect them!" She shouted at him. "And _you_," she pointed her finger right at him, "have no right to judge me on this. You don't know _anything_!" She was fuming. Everyone was staring at her shocked. They hadn't expected such an outburst from her. They had never even seen her angry before.

Carlisle was the first to recover. He walked over to her and took her hand. She met his gaze apologetically. "What happened?" He whispered softly. She shook her head 'no' but didn't let go of his hand. She had missed this cool touch on her skin. He led her over to the couch and sat down with her. "Bella, please tell us what happened." She looked up at his face timidly. "Well I ran away from Victoria." They all gasped. "You see when Laurant attacked me he told me I was lucky it was him, because he would make it quick. He said quote: 'If you knew what Victoria has planned for you …'"

They stared in shock. "Laurant? Victoria?" Alice stammered. Edward growled. Esme looked like she was about to cry as she sat down next to Bella squeezing her hand. "How did you get away from him?" Jasper asked. "Well there were these really big wolves. They attacked him and I ran." Jasper nodded. "I figured I could at least try. And if she had caught me at least everyone else would have been save. But she didn't."

Edward had sunk to the ground by this point, his head in his hands. His expression pained. "I'm so sorry. I should have never left. I wanted to protect you. I wanted you to go to college and have a normal life." He rambled.

"I go to college and I have a somewhat normal life. Well at least there are no fairytale creatures in it anymore. Until now that is." He stared at her confused. "But you didn't even finish High School … and …" She smirked at his artlessness. "Well Bella Swan didn't finish High School but Annabell Clark did." They all stared at her dumbfounded. "Oh come on. Don't try to tell me all of _your_ papers are legal." She rolled her eyes. Emmett smirked. "Bad ass, little Sis'!"

Now it was Bella's turn to stare at them dumbfounded. 'Little Sis'? What was that supposed to mean? "So you attend NYU then?" Edward averted her attention. "No. Juilliard." There was a short pause while they stared at her in disbelieve "Well I certainly didn't see that one coming …" Alice trailed off.


	3. a bed of roses

**Runaway**

**A bed of Roses**

A few moments of awkward silence passed while the whole family was staring at Bella with blank expressions. Then Emmett broke into a fit of laughter. "Don't tell me you … you became a... a dancer." He was laughing tears. She huffed feeling a little offended by his reaction. She wasn't as much of a klutz anymore. She had grown into her body by now and she could move rather gracefully. But she resolved to be mature and let it go. "No, I don't dance at Juilliard. I sing." She answered flatly. Emmett stopped laughing and looked at her confused. "Huh? But I though that was a school for dancing … that chick from that movie ..." Bella sighed irritated. "Yeah, we have a dance division among others."

Then Edward cleared his throat. "Well, that's nice. It's good to know that you're life turned out quite well despite the … well … unfavorable circumstances." He phrased carefully avoiding her eyes. She raised her eyebrows and he continued. "Yeah … and I have to say I'm really sorry about Victoria, too. I … well I tried to track her and … you know … but apparently I … well I wasn't very good at that … yeah. So, I'm sorry." A few moments of uncomfortable silence passed while she stared at him perplexed. "OK." She said slowly and cleared her throat.

This whole topic actually made her a little uncomfortable and she tried to think of something to change the subject when her gaze fell on the Christmas tree in the far corner of the room and she smiled. So its Christmas. What were you planning to do? Any special vampiric traditions?" She joked. They all looked at her bewildered and she blushed. They apparently didn't think that was funny. Then Alice chuckled and Bella sighed relieved. "Well we did already unwrap the presents, because we don't have anything for you and we didn't want you to feel bad." She shrugged apologetically. "No, that's OK. I'm not used to getting presents for Christmas anyway. So it's really no big deal." She shrugged it off, but with the way they looked at her now she probably should have kept her mouth shut.

Then she suddenly remembered something. "Damn! I have to call Roxie. She's probably worried sick by now." And with that she ran up the stairs to her bag, digging through it until she finally retrieved her cell phone. With all the fuss and the reunion going on she had almost forgotten why she ended up here in the first place. She hit number one on her speed dial and waited. Roxie picked up after the third ring.

"About time!" She greeted. "Did you actually sleep until now or have you forgotten all about your poor friend, stuck in a house full of lunatics and total fuck-ups? And before you answer remember I'm a person with quite sensible feelings."

"Sorry, I was on my way I swear but my car broke down and I'm kind of stuck here."

"What?! You hit the road yesterday? Didn't you get my message? Didn't you hear the weather report?"

"No I didn't. What message?"

"The one where I told you to stay home, because of the freakin' blizzard and to call me this morning?" Bella thought back to the day before. She had been in a hurry and ignored the message assuming whatever it was that Roxie wanted, it could wait until she got there.

"Annie? Are you still there? Hello?" Bella snapped out of her thoughts. "Yeah sorry I'm here."

"So where exactly are you now? Don't tell me you're spending Christmas in some rotten hole of a motel room." Roxie questioned.

"Thankfully I ran into some old friends and I can stay with them for now."

"Friends?!" She asked a little sceptical.

"From my high school days." It wasn't even a lie.

"And what about your car?"

"I'll figure something out." Bella sighed. She didn't even know where exactly her car was.

"Good. Now enough about you. I swear I'm ready to go berserk any minute. We've had the first major brawl about 30 Minutes after I stepped foot into the damn house. Now Mom's got a migraine again and is bitching all over the place. Dad has been drunk for two days in a row already. My aunts ratty hyperactive children from hell are demolishing the house. And I swear if my grandmother doesn't shut up about all her imaginary diseases I'm going to strangle her! ARGH!" She shouted.

"Hey hey hey, calm down. Take a deep breath and remember that within a week it will be all over and you don't have to see them for another year." Bella heard her breath in loudly.

"OK you're right and maybe next year I'll tell them I spend the holidays with your family and we can stay in New York together."

"Yeah maybe ..." Bella trailed off thoughtfully. Then there was a loud thumb in the background.

"Ugh! Sorry I have to go now. I think that little monster might have just crashed the tree or something."

"OK, bye and merry Christmas." Bella quickly called into the phone.

"Merry Christmas." Then she hung up and Bella let herself fall onto the bed. Compared to Roxie's predicament her's was probably a bed of roses – but with nasty little thorns none the less.

She got up from the bed and made her way back downstairs. As she reached the bottom of the stairs Alice suddenly stood in her path and Bella jumped 5'' in the air screaming. "Alice! Stop startling me!" Alice giggled and Emmett was doubling over with laughter but soon stopped as he realized that he was about to loose to Rosalie in his new video game because of the distraction. So he decided to cheat and tackled her trying to take her controller away. Alice and Bella just shook their heads at them. Then Alice grabbed Bella's hand and dragged her into the kitchen. "Come on. We're gonna make christmassy cookies with Esme." Bella groaned. 'christmassy' seemed to be Alice's new favourite word.

* * *

A/N: The movie Emmett was talking about is _'save the last dance'_ of course.


	4. night time action

**Runaway**

**Night time action**

"Is everything OK with your friend, now?" Esme asked as Bella and Alice entered the kitchen and put the bowl onto the counter. "Yeah, she actually thought I had stayed home, so she wasn't that worried after all." Bella answered although she was pretty sure they had heard every word of their conversation with their super sensitive vampire hearing. Then she looked around a little clueless. "Well … what do I do now?" "You can put these in the bowl for a start." Esme handed her the eggs smiling warmly.

While mixing the cookie dough Bella thought she'd take her turn and do a little questioning of her own. "So now that you know about me. What do you do?" She asked glancing at Alice. "Well Edward and I are going to school again. Senior year. Rose and Em got married YET AGAIN after graduation last summer." She made a face. "But the party was a blast - thanks to me!" She grinned proudly. Bella rolled her eyes and Esme couldn't hold back a smile at their antics. "Jasper's interning at a newspaper and Carlisle's working at the local hospital." She continued and after a long pause she added: "And getting you back again was basically the most exiting thing that happened in the past several years." She finished nudging Bella's nose with her flour covered index finger. Bella was taken a little off guard by that declaration and stared at her dumbfounded.

They were happy to have her back? Did that mean that this wasn't just a one more time helping out the damsel in distress kind of thing? Did they actually want her back in their lifes? Although that idea made her feel all warm and fuzzy inside, she also dreaded their reaction to all the not so glamorous parts of her life. It was kind of strange that they hadn't even thought to ask her - jet - how she could affort her life style. How she paid for college, a fancy car and stuff. But maybe that was because they didn't really stop to think about money all that much. They couldn't relate.

The rest of the day had passed rather uneventfully. Alice and Emmett had shown off their Christmas presents. Money apparently wasn't a concern of theirs. And Emmett made her challenge him at his new video game. Of course he won every time and rubbed it in her face until she'd snapped and vowed not to play with him ever again. Later they were eating the freshly baked cookies – or at least she was, cuddled up on the couch between Alice and Edward until her eyes started to fall shut and she went to bed.

Being so close to Edward again after all this time was making her feel so right again, but at the same time it was kind of awkward. Uptight. What was appropriate and what wasn't? How did he feel about her now and how did she feel about him? Was it just nostalgia? Was it just the idea of him that attracted her? Or was she really still in love with him after all this time? And could they ever make it work living in such different worlds on so many levels? Fretting about all that stuff was kind of exhausting and she drifted off to sleep.

Later that night Bella was in the middle of a very nice dream, when she was awakened by the ringing of her cell phone. "Ugh" She moaned and blindly felt around for her mobile. She held it in front of her face before she answered and groaned. 2:30 am.

"This better be good, Roxie ..." She muttered but was wide awake when she heard her friend sob on the other end of the line. "What's wrong?"

Roxie sniffed. "I can't take this anymore, Bell. It's making me all sick again. I just wanna get away. I wanna go home." She choked on her tears.

"Oh Roxie ... please calm down. Did ... did you ... again?" She cried harder and Bella sighed heavily.

"I wish I could help you, but I'm stuck here right now."

"I know. I just wanted to hear your voice and I thought maybe you could sing me my lullaby to help me get some sleep?" She asked in a small childish voice.

"You want me to sing? Into the phone?"

"Please?"

Bella sighed again. "Are you shure this would help? Maybe you could take some of your moms sleeping pills or you could go to the hospital and have yourself admitted until New Years."

"Please, just sing for me." She pouted.

"Alright." Bella finally gave in. "But only because it's you. Are you comfortable?"

"Uhu" She answered and so Bella started to sing.

_When you feel afraid  
When you lose your way  
I'll find you  
Just try to smile  
And dry your eyes  
I will bring back the moon  
Into your skies_

_Whenever you will  
Remember darlin'  
I'll be there to sing to you  
I promise you, I promise to  
Comfort you and sing to you  
Darlin' I'll be there just for you_

_There's so much to learn  
And when you want me  
Then I'll show you  
And through the years  
You'll always be  
A lullaby in  
The heart  
Of the child in me_

_Whenever you will  
Remember darlin'  
I'll be there to sing to you  
I promise you, I promise to  
Comfort you and sing to you  
Darlin I'll be there just for you_

_Hold it... Feel it  
Music is in your heart  
And when you need it  
Just keep listening  
Let it sing, let it sing_

_Though you grow away  
No matter how you change  
I'll know you  
When you tire of life alone  
There'll always be  
One sure way back home  
Just turn on the quiet  
Close your eyes...  
And listen inside  
Unconditional...  
Unconditional...  
Unconditional_

_I'll be there to sing to you  
I promise you, I promise to  
Comfort you and sing to you  
Darlin' I'll be there  
Anytime and anywhere  
Cody I'll be there  
Just for you_

Bella finished the song and smiled. "Any better?"

"Ughu" Roxie mumbled into the pillow on the other end of the line and Bella chuckled.

"Hang up the phone before you're out."

"Uhm, night." She answered groggily.

"Sleep tight." Bella smiled to herself as the line went dead.

Out of the corner of her eyes she detected some movement and noticed that the door was open a crack. She frowned and got up, but by the time she was at the door, they were all gone of course. She stepped into the hall and called loudly "Nice try!" She briefly considered going back to bed but she was wide awake now. So she made her way down to the living room. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs and took in the scene before her. Emmett and Jasper were perched awkwardly on the couch. Alice was curled up in the armchair pretending to read a fashion magazine – up site down and Edward was leaning against the armchair exaggeratedly casual. "Again. Nice try." She stated and their faces fell.

She skipped over to the couch and jumped onto it. "Sooooooo, what are we up to?" She exclaimed glancing around. They looked kind of confused. "We? Aren't you going to sleep? It's 3 am." Jasper finally asked. "Nope. I'm wide awake now." She stated and they thought for a moment. "Well you wanna play some video games?" Emmett suggested. "Or some non video games for a change." Alice added frowning at him and he pouted. "How about some arm wrestling?" He tried again. "Well Roxie and I like to play Jenga." Bella ignored him. "Oh, we've got that." Alice beamed and swooshed out of the room. There were some bumping noises like she was throwing around something and then she was in the living room again. They all gathered on the ground and prepared the game. "Where are Carlisle and Esme?" Bella asked curiously. "Upstairs" Edward said nonchalantly and the others grinned meaningfully while Emmett wiggled his eyebrows. Bella squeezed her eyes shut trying to shake that picture from her mind. Too. Much. Information.

Even at that game the vampires clearly had the advantage especially Alice, who could easily predict which block would make the tower topple. Edward would read her mind and profit from her knowledge, while the others still had much steadier hands than Bella. It would have to become her mission to finally find a game, where the chances were even.

* * *

A/N: If someone can think off a game like that, please feel free to share.

The song is called _Cody's Song_ by Kenny Loggins. If someone wanted to listen to it, it's on youtube.


	5. girly time

**Runaway by Kibibe**

**Girly time**

Bella woke up a little disoriented. How had she gotten to bed? The last thing she knew she was downstairs on the living room floor playing Jenga with Alice, Edward and Jasper. Rosalie had come by at some point being all … _difficult_ and Emmett had left to console her. Apparently she was upset that they were playing without her or something like that. At least that was Jasper and Edward's explanation. Well whatever. Bella thought brushing it off. It was Rosalie after all. Let her be. She turned on her back gazing at the ceiling. It had been so much fun spending time with them again. Laughing and joking around. Feeling kind of carefree again for once. Not worrying about … everything. And she was kind of feeling the butterflies in her stomach again, now when she thought about Edward. Maybe it wasn't just sentimentality. Maybe. He however was certainly not unaffected with her attire last night – knickers and a little shirt. She had to giggle thinking of it. He had been _looking_. Trying to be all discreet about it, but she had noticed.

That was when the door flew open and Alice came bouncing in, plopping down on the bed beside her. "What's taking you so long? You woke up like _ages ago_." She wailed and Bella rolled her eyes at her. "Okay maybe more like 15 minutes." She corrected. "So you're getting up now or what? You can have a shower and when you come down we'll have breakfast waiting." She watched Bella overly exited, who sat up on her elbows trying to shake the sleep from her head. "Well good morning to you too." Bella waited for an answer but Alice just grinned eagerly. "Aaaalright. See you in a few." Bella finally agreed. "Great." Alice squealed skipping out of the room. Then stopping abruptly and leaning in the door again. "Oh and I laid out some clothes for you." She informed with a serious expression like she was trying to mind wash Bella into actually putting them on this time. Bella deliberately ignored that. She would so not let her get her way with this.

So Bella went into the bathroom and grabbed her toothbrush. While she was brushing her teeth she gave herself a once over in the mirror trying to straiten out her tousled hair a little. She wouldn't need to wash it again today. Just a quick shower and she should be fine she decided. After she got out of the shower she examined the clothes Alice had laid out. Just for her own amusement. A dress again. Light blue with frills. Whoa creepy. Definitely not her taste. She put it down and went to her bag. She decided on Jeans and a band T-Shirt arranging her hair in a messy bun. Alice would totally freak out. She couldn't wait to see her face.

When she made her way downstairs, Bella noticed there were just Alice, Rosalie and Esme. "Morning." She greeted. Rosalie send her a forced smile. Was she still upset about the game last night? That woman was definitely a hand full. Poor Emmett. Bella sat down at the kitchen counter where her food was waiting for her – eggs on toast. Alice sat next to her. Glaring at her outfit. Bella had to keep herself from laughing out loud. While Esme was leaning over some cooking book on the counter. "Where is everybody?" She asked before taking the first bite. "They're out hunting. We're being extra … cautious with you here." Esme phrased carefully. Bella nodded. Right. Nobody would want a repeat of the infamous birthday party fun. She thought sarcastically.

"So it's just us girls, huh?" She joked. "What are we gonna do?" Alice sighed. "I don't know. Maybe we could play Barbie Bella." She suggested with a hopeful expression. "No way. Forget it." Bella blew her off and Esme laughed at their exchange. "Let her be, Ali. If she declines a little fashion education and insists on wearing those ratty clothes of hers, so be it." Rosalie remarked condescendingly and Bella almost choked on the food. _Resentful bitch_. She thought. "Oh come on Rose. Get over it. Besides you could have just come and played with us." Alice tried to reason with her. "You didn't ask." Rose muttered sulkily and left the room. Alice sighed deeply. "She'll come around." Esme reassured.

Bella and Alice ended up hanging out in Alice's and Jasper's room longing on the bed. Bella was propped against the head board doing the crossword puzzle in the newspaper while Alice was drawing a picture of her. "So that lullaby you were singing last night was really sweet. You have a nice voice, you know?" Alice was making conversation. She was on a mission to win her former best friend back. Bella had changed a lot in that past few years. She was a lot more confident. She stood up for herself. And Alice realized now that their friendship might have been a little unbalanced in the past. She'd been pushing Bella around a lot. Taking advantage of her insecurity or lack of assertiveness. It seemed that they would have to redefine their relationship now.

"Thanks." Bella answered absentmindedly focused on her crossword puzzle. "Alliance dissolved in '77? Five letters?" She asked. "SEATO. So your friend sounded kind of upset. Is she ok?" Alice inquired. Bella frowned. There are really no secrets in this house. "I don't know. She's really stressed out with her family around 24/7. They don't have a very good relationship …" She sighed running a hand over her hair. "But it was three o'clock in the morning. Things always look like really bad and insurmountable around that time of the night. Depends on how she is feeling in the morning." Alice nodded thoughtfully. "You two are very close, aren't you?" To be honest she envied Roxie a little. She and Bella seemed like real best friends, while she was just … something else. "Yeah. We hit it off right away. We both have a lot on our plate ... and she reminds me of Rene sometimes." Bella added with a remorseful look on her face. "I'm so sorry. It must have been so hard to leave everyone behind and be all on your own." Bella nodded blinking back some tears.

"How did you get this papers, by the way?" Alice asked curiously redirecting the conversation to a safer ground. No need to upset her now. Bella cleared her throat noisily. "From a guy in Las Vegas." "Las Vegas?" Alice looked a little surprised. Bella figured she'd want the whole story so she started at the beginning. "Yeah. I left Forks on the bus. I figured it might make it harder for her to track me down if I used public transportation. You know, lots of scents, changing busses and most importantly no easily traceable noisy red truck that would possibly break down in the middle of nowhere anyway?" Alice nodded. "Well I made it to Portland and took a flight to Las Vegas. I had stolen some girl's briefcase on one of the busses and used her ID. Vegas seemed like the perfect place to go. Very inconvenient for a vampire – sunny days and lots of nightlife." Bella explained. "Clever." Alice commented and Bella gave her a smug smile. "Anyway I found that guy who sold fake papers – they're pretty expensive, if you're looking for quality that is." Alice nodded. She knew about that. "How did you pay for them?" Finally somebody thought about the money part. Bella commented in her head. "I used up all my savings and the girl's money, but it still wasn't enough, so I payed the rest in installments. Pretty tricky on a waitress's salary." "Must have been tough." Alice mused. Bella smiled sadly.

"So where have you been all the time?" She quickly changed the subject before Alice could ask any more questions. Alice shrugged. "First we were in Denally … or at least some of us were." She sighed sadly and Bella looked at her questioningly. "It was pretty hard on our family in the beginning. Edward was … away checking in sporadically. Rose and Emmett spend a lot of time in Africa. They don't particularly like it in Denally. So it was just Jasper, me, Esme and Carlisle. Although Carlisle was burying himself in work. He didn't spend much time home either." Alice sighed. Bella tried to look sympathetically, but secretly she couldn't help being a little pleased that it wasn't a walk in the park for them either. "Eventually Edward couldn't stand it anymore and returned to Forks. He wanted to beg you to take him back." She looked at Bella meaningfully who was a little surprised by that revelation. "But you were gone without a trace." She continued. She opened her mouth to say something else but decided against it.

There was some uncomfortable silence going on, while Bella busied herself with the crossword puzzle again and Alice diverted her attention back to her drawing. "Berliner's 'I'? three letters?" Bella looked up at Alice. "I-C-H" Alice answered and groaned frustrated. "I'm bored." She wailed. "Can't we do something christmassy?" Now Bella groaned. "I swear Alice if you say that word again …" She snapped. Alice was taken aback be that outburst. She was blinking rapidly and her lower lip began to tremble. She stood up and turned to leave. "I'm sorry that I seem to be _so_ annoying to you." She whispered.

Bella sighed exasperated. "No Alice wait. That's not what I meant." She pleaded. Alice stopped at the door. "No. Everything I do or say just seems to irritate you." Bella quickly jumped from the bed taking Alice's hand. "No it doesn't. I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings. I didn't think when I said that." Alice shook her head. "It's not just about now. Ever since you woke up yesterday … I'm not blind and I'm not stupid, Bella. I didn't need Jasper to realize that everything I did or said seemed to set you off. And I wondered what I was doing wrong. I was just trying to be your friend again. But no matter what I do …" She trailed off and Bella heard her sob. "Alice? Are you crying?" Bella tried to take a look at her but Alice hid her face. "No. I'm a vampire. We can't cry." She sniffed. "Would _that_ make you happy?"

She stepped in front of Alice, who tried to turn away. "No Alice, please look at me." And Alice glanced at her timidly. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to be like that. I like you. It's just …" She closed her eyes searching for the right words. "I'm not used to … all this cheerfulness. I'm grumpy in the mornings. I'm not used to all this holiday madness. And I hate to be dressed up like a doll." She shrugged. Alice sighed turning away again. "So you basically hate everything about me. Thanks. That made me feel all better." She walked back to the bed since Bella was blocking the door now.

"No. Alice please!" Bella pleaded. This was getting really frustrating. Why did everything just come out so wrong? "You've got that all wrong." Alice turned around. Her eyes were red and puffy although there were no tears. "Oh really?! Well enlighten me." Bella took a step closer wringing her hands. "I do like you. And I'd like to be your friend. Maybe we should just try a different approach. If you wanna dress me up you could just let me have a say, for example. We could find things we both like. I mean we were having fun last night, didn't we?" She smiled at Alice pleadingly. Alice nodded. "Although it was kind of unfair with Edward and your cheating." Bella joked and Alice shrugged sheepishly.

Bella's expression turned serious again. "About the other thing." Alice's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "The Christmas madness." Bella cleared up. "Oh that." Alice glanced at the floor sadly and Bella approached her taking her hands. "What is that all about?" She whispered softly. "Well ... you know I don't really have any human memories, right?" Bella nodded. "I want to know what that fells like, you know? Magical time and everything?" Bella thought about that for a moment. "So you want a magical christmas experience or something?" Alice nodded sniffing. "Well alright. Come on." Bella tugged at her hands. "Where are we going?" Alice stammered confused. Bella laughed. "Can't you see?" Duh. Alice nodded her head. "Right. I was ... preoccupied." She stated a little embarrassed.

They stepped into the living room, Bella turned all the lights out except for the Christmas tree and she and Alice led down under it. Alice glanced at Bella. "What now?" Bella rolled her eyes "Now you glance up at it and enjoy the view." "Aaaaah" They lay there in silence for a moment. "This feels nice. Do you do that a lot?" Alice asked and a sorrowful look flashed over Bella's features. She composed herself and cleared her throat. "Not anymore … more like when I was little and we still had a tree." Alice glanced over to her. "You didn't have a tree when you were older?" Bella shook her head. "No. we were living in Arizona. A tree would have looked a little ridiculous there. Or at least that was Rene's opinion. And Charlie didn't really bother with all this decorating stuff." Alice nodded thoughtfully. "And you didn't really decorate for yourself the past two years." Bella sighed deeply. "No, I tried not to think about it actually. It would have reminded me too much of … what I had lost." Alice grabbed her hand. "Na it's OK. Can't change the past now, can we?" Bella brushed it off. "We'll try to make it up to you."

Bella sighed again looking back up the tree. There was nothing anyone could do to make it up. But she didn't wanna be all whiny. After all she probably wasn't the only one with a screwed up life in this house. She didn't know much about Rose, Emmett or Jasper but she knew that Esme had tried to kill herself, Alice's memory loss was probably due to some kind of majorly traumatic experience and Carlisle had been all lonely for centuries before he turned Edward and Esme.

Then the light was turned on and Bella had to squint her eyes from the sudden brightness. "What are you doing? Something wrong with the tree?" They heard Emmett say. Bella sat up frowning. "No." Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper and Edward were standing across the room clearly amused. "We were having a 'magical Christmas expierience'." Alice quoted excitedly. Jasper looked at her concerned. "Hey, have you been crying?" Alice looked down ashamed as did Bella. That got the guys worried. "What's been going on here?" Edward asked. "Alice was annoying. Bella was a bitch about it and made her cry." Rosalie summed it all up as she descended the stairs. Edward's eyebrows rose in shocked surprise and Jasper glared at Bella. "It wasn't that bad. Otherwise I would have intervened." Esme reassured them stepping up besides Carlisle. "It's alright. We're good now." Alice walked over to Jasper and snuggled up to him. He put his arm around her protectively.

Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett retreated to their respective rooms, while Carlisle and Esme snuggled up on the couch leaving Bella and Edward in awkward silence until Edward cleared his throat nervously. "You … you wanna go up to my room?" Bella nodded quickly standing up. "Sure." "Great." As they were walking up the stairs Carlisle and Esme couldn't hide a smile. "You think they're gonna make this work again?" Carlisle asked. A knowing smile played around Esme's lips as she answered. "Probably." He tugged her closer to his chest and whispered in her ear. "By the way, what was going on with that quarrel?" Esme shook her head smiling. "Don't worry about it. They just have to work things out with Bella's new temper."

* * *

A/N: Took a little longer this time. Mainly because I did the next chapter first. & I thought now might be a good time to clear up the time line for anyone who didn't get that from the text. Rereading New Moon and considering that Bella was born in 1987, I figured (and correct me if I'm wrong) Bella must have met Laurant in march 2006. So she left shortly after that. And it is now two years later Christmas 2008. So Bella is 21.


	6. revelations

**Runaway by Kibibe**

**Revelations**

Edward led Bella into his room and she glanced around. It looked different than his room back in Forks. It had a darker edge to it. But it fit him well. There was his precious music collection of course and an exquisite sound system. No bed but a leather sofa and an antique looking desk buried under piles of notebooks. "Working on something?" She asked curiously. He shrugged smiling mysteriously. Bella huffed. So he didn't wanna tell her.

She sat down on the sofa and he joined her. "Music?" He asked picking up the remote. She nodded and he turned it on. It was a classical piece. She relaxed leaning back while he eyed her closely. "You want to know something." She stated and he nodded confirming her assumption. "Go ahead." She encouraged him. "How do you feel about … everything?" She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "Define 'everything'."

He sighed running a hand through his hair. "Everything about us leaving and being back in your life now … " He trailed of looking nervous. She took a moment to think about that while he grew more and more anxious. "About you leaving … It was devastating. I had a hard time coping." She grimaced. He nodded slowly his expression sullen. "It was a thin line to walk … scared to remember – terrified to forget." Her expression was far off and he frowned. It was quite an accurate description. He had felt much the same.

He gulped. Would she have it in her heart to forgive him? Did he deserve her forgiveness? He was afraid of her answer but he had to ask. "And … and now." She concentrated her attention back to the present eying him closely as she answered. "Now … now it feels like coming up for air." She smiled this seemed to have taken him by surprise. He must have expected something else. But he didn't look disappointed. So she continued.

"Lately life was starting to get a little easier again. Since I was at Juilliard my life had some kind of purpose again. I wasn't just surviving anymore. I was doing something for me. But now that you're here I think I might have just fooled myself. Now there is light again and there is people who know who I really am. Some connection to my former life. People I love."

One single thick traitorous tear escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek. It took his breath away. Had she ever looked more beautiful? He reached out and brushed the tear away. She leaned into his touch. Inside he was jubilant. She had said 'love' – 'People I love'. Present tense. This was more than he ever could've hoped for. He wasn't naiv enough to believe that he had won her back already. But there was chance.

The next day the family was assembled in the living room – except for Rosalie who was in the garage working on her car still sour about the Jenga-thing. Emmett and Jasper were engaged in an epic battle of chess against the team of Emse and Carlisle. Bella was watching from the couch along with Alice and Edward, who weren't allowed to play. Emmett insisted that that they'd cheat. Esme argued that the chances would be even if they played on different teams but Emmett wasn't having any of that.

That's when Bella's phone started to ring again. Emmett glared at her. It was the fifth time already. Bella had checked the number again and decided not to answer. Again. It was one of her clients. She would probably have some serious explaining to do if they picked up something from the conversation. She had considered turning the phone off, but she was still anxiousabout how Roxie was doing. She had to be attainable if something was wrong.

„Bella, are you sure you don't wanna answer that? Maybe it's important." Esme was concerned. They had noticed her uneasiness. "Yeah, he's been calling you like what? A 100 times. It's gotta be freakin' urgent." Emmett growled. The ringing was disrupting his concentration.

Bella made a face as Alice shoved the phone into her face. She gulped as she took the phone and pressed the green button. Maybe she could find a way to make this short an inconspicuous. She had to try.

"Hello, Nathaniel." She greeted warily.

"_Lux, finally! I called you like a 100 times. What did you do?" _That sounded quite normal. She reassured herself.

"I was kind of busy, sorry."

_"Well alright. I just wanted to know if you were interested in a new client. Cause a friend of mine just got cheated on by his wife and now he's desperately in need of some comfort."_ So much for inconspicuous. She gulped glancing at the confused and shocked faces staring back at her. She had their undivided attention now.

"Ahm … well the thing is … my schedule is kind of full at the moment. I can't say anything right now."

_"Oh. OK. Good for you … if business is going great."_ She cringed at the word business.

"Yeah."

_"So how about next weekend? Are you still free?"_ He asked sounding hopeful.

"Well actually yeah, but I'm kinda' stuck here in the middle of nowhere, because of all the snow? And I probably won't make it back to the city before New Years. So …" She trailed off.

_"Oh, that's too bad. I would have really liked to see you again. I missed you."_ He sounded slightly disapoited.

"Yeah, well sorry. But happy New Year and I'll see about your friend." She quickly steered the conversation to an end.

_"Great, happy New Year. Bye Sweet cheeks."_ She cringed again at the endearment. That wouldn't be very well received by her audience. And sure enough she saw Edward clenching his fists in her peripheral vision. Carlisle put a hand on his shoulder restraining him.

"Bye."

She hung up the phone waiting for the ambush and fidging nervously. Edward was the first to speak. His expression bewildered. "Who was that Bella?" He demanded. She gulped loudly avoiding his gaze. "A client of mine." She whispered. They had just gotten closer again yesterday. That progress seemed lost now.

"What kind of a client are we talking about here exactly?" He urged impatiently. Still hoping for her to refute his suspicion. Although it was fairly obvious. She twitched glancing up helplessly. Did he really have to make her say it out loud. In front of his whole family. Not that they couldn't guess by now, but still.

"God Bella? Please tell me that I've got the wrong impression and that my imagination's just running wild here!" He raised his voice a little and it had an exasperated edge to it. She just shook her head and whispered almost inaudible. "I can't." He threw up his hands and grabbed his head. "Why? Why, Bella? WHY?" He shouted and she jumped. She was trying really hard not to break down in tears right now.

"Because I need the money." She locked eyes with him. "You can't pay for college and everything on waitressing job." She tried to explain her voice weak. He looked away from her gaze struggling with the words. "… But _THIS_?!" He gestured. "How could you do this? The Bella I knew, would have never –" "Things have changed Edward!" She yelled at him fighting back the tears. "Am I really so much different to you than I was like 30 minutes ago? Just because of this?" She sobbed.

"Just because of this? JUST because of this!?" He laughed humorlessly. His Eyes were pitch black now and he turned away. "It's like I don't even know you anymore." He spat as he turned to leave and added in a low whisper. "I'm sorry I can't be near you right now."

That certainly stung and the tears she had tried so hard to hold back spilled over. She could still feel all of their eyes on her and she just wanted to escape. She wanted to get away but she was stuck. She looked around the room desperately searching for an escape. She didn't wanna go upstairs to Carlisle and Esme's room after this revelation. She couldn't go to the garage, because that's where Rosalie was.

She felt like a caged animal and She felt dirty. He had made her so feel dirty. Dirtier than she had ever felt before. So she turned for the door but was held back by Alice. "You can't go out there like that." She was right. "Come on." She took Bella by the hand putting her arm around her back and leading her upstairs to her and Jasper's bedroom, closing the door behind them. She set Bella on the bed cradling her and waited for the tears to subside.

When Bella was calmed down enough she had to ask. "So you do what exactly?" Bella sniffed meeting her gaze. "My clients pay me for having sex with them." She stated matter of factly. Alice nodded with a serious look on her face. Before yesterday Bella had been sure nothing could bring that quirky little pixie down. She knew better now.

"How did you end up like this? I mean is someone like … I don't know forcing you to do this?" Bella shook her head. "No I'm my own boss. I don't have to answer to anybody." She paused and Alice waited patiently for her to continue. Bella decided to start at the beginning again.

"Like I told you yesterday I needed a new identity so Victoria wouldn't track me down. And I told you that these kinds of things are quite expensive." She paused and Alice nodded. "So like I said it took all my savings and the girl's money but it still wasn't enough. So I worked as a waitress to pay my debts. But I also had to pay for the apartment and food and ... and there just wasn't enough money. So this friend of mine suggested I could dance at a club. She taught me how and I became a Stripper."

Alice sighed sadly and Bella looked down ashamed. "One day she dragged me along to that audition for Julliard and they offered me a place. I found a club in New York that hired me and I danced my ass off to pay for it ... I ended up at the hospital because of exhaustion. That's when this girl from one of my classes, who wanted to retire offered me her client list. At first I didn't want to do it, but she convinced me, that I couldn't go on like this. Going to college and working all night. Every night. She was there the first few times. Introduced me to the clients and helped me through it. It's getting easier with time." She grimaced wondering what that must sound like to Alice.

As she glanced at her again Alice looked shaken. She was crying again. "I'm so sorry. All of this just because we left you." Bella was stunned for a moment. Alice was blaming herself? "Please don't." She whispered embracing her.


	7. duke it all out

**Runaway by Kibibe**

**Duke it all out**

"Please don't." She whispered embracing her. They didn't hate her. They blamed themselves. Bella finally realised. She should have known. They were those kinds of people. The ones who carried the weight of the world on their shoulders. "This wasn't you. It was me. My decision." She clarified but Alice resisted the embrace shaking her head.

She looked dead serious now. "_No_. If it wasn't for us you wouldn't have been all alone and you wouldn't have needed the money. It's all our fault. I can't tell you how sorry I am. We can never think of making that up to you." Bella rolled her eyes. This was getting nowhere. Everyone blaming themselves. It didn't change anything. "Alice please stop playing 'what if'. It is how it is. I can't change it and neither can you. So what's the point?"

Alice stared at her in disbelieve. How could she say that? How could she be so calm? They had ruined her life. She should be running wild screaming _'bloody murder'_ or something along those lines. Yet here she was comforting her. Emmett was right. She really did do the strangest things. "How can you say that? How can you not hate us?"

Bella reached out her hand to brush Alice's cheek. "Hate you?" She wondered baffled. "How could I ever hate you? You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." Alice laughed humorlessly. "Seriously Bella. I think you need to get your head checked. There is something terribly wrong with it." Bella smirked. "Maybe I like it wrong." She pouted. Before they both burst out laughing.

The tension was gone. It was OK. For now. They let themselves fall back on the bed gazing at each other. "So …" Alice started. „Soooooooo?" Bella countered. "Lux. Annabell. You're the girl with the thousand names now, huh? Any other pseudonyms I should know about?" She grinned. Bella pretended to think about it putting her finger to her lips. "Well when I first started at the strip club in Vegas my stage name was Chastity."

Alice smirked. "Isn't your stripper name supposed to be your first pet's name plus your mother's maiden name? I read that somewhere." Bella cracked a smile. Alice had read about stripper names? Now that was some juicy information. "Well that would make my stripper name Piggy Higginbotham. Not so sexy." They both burst out laughing again. "Piggy?" Alice managed to get out between giggles. "What was it?" "A guinea pig. Very creative. I know. I was only five."

After the giggles had died down again Bella had to ask. "So what would yours be?" Alice shrugged. "Dunno. Never had a pet that I know of and I don't know my mother's maiden name." Bella's face fell. How could she have been so insensitive? She wanted to slap herself. "I'm sorry. I … That was thoughtless." "Don't worry about it." Alice shrugged.

"So how did you come up with all those names than?" Alice changed the subject. Bella shrugged. "Well with Annabell I got to kind of keep my nickname. Bell. Though Roxie likes to call me Annie or even Tinker Bell sometimes." She smiled absentmindedly. "Chastity was my friend's idea and the owner of the club I was working for in New York came up with Lux. I like the sound of it so I kept it."

"Well now you won't need it anymore." Bella looked puzzled so Alice elaborated. "… because now you don't have to do _IT_ anymore … We have the money. You don't have to worry about that anymore." Bella was fuming. The nerve of them. To walk in and out of her life and try to rule everything. "No Alice. I won't let you do this. I can take care of myself. I don't wanna be your charity case." Alice just stared at her bewildered.

"What are you talking about. You're not a charity case. You're family. You don't have to do this anymore. It's over." Alice reasoned. Bella was boiling with anger. "What is over, Alice?!" She screamed. "My life? My right to have a free will? Huh? I'm not your family. I'm not your freakin' responsibility!" That stung. Alice was at a loss of words. What was going on? Why didn't she want their help? Was selling her body less demeaning than accepting their help? Was this what it came down to?

"What … I don't understand." Alice whispered finally. Bella took a deep breath trying to control her temper. "That is just the thing. You don't understand. You come and go. You think you know what's best for me. But you really don't. I can't make myself so dependent on you again."

There was a knock on the door then and Carlisle stepped in. Bella instantly blushed crimson as she realised that he must have heard everything she had just told Alice. This was so embarrassing. Where was the hole she could sink into?

"May I talk to Bella for a moment?" He asked and Alice send Bella an encouraging look as she quickly skipped out of the room. Closing the door behind her.

Carlisle sat down on the edge of the bed. He didn't smile. He looked sober. He looked like a doctor. Bella was rigid. He was going to have a talk with her. A doctor talk. She gulped. "No need to be afraid. I won't bite." He smiled. Great. Inside joke to lighten the mood. Now she just knew that she wouldn't like it.

"Bella before you say anything please hear me out. I know you probably think I'm gonna barge in here and make judgements. That is not what I'm doing. But I'm not gonna condone this either. I'm concerned for you." He was picking up where Alice had left off. This was really strenuous. Why did everything have to be so damn hard with them nowadays? So tiring. Why couldn't they just understand and let her live her life.

"You see in my years of practice I have seen things." He continued. "Things that weren't pretty. What I'm saying is my experience tells me this isn't gonna end well. We want you to stop doing this to yourself. We can be there for you. We can pay for college. We can make you safe. It's the least we can do." Make her safe. How ironic this sounded coming from a vampire.

"I dont want your pity money!" She threw her hands in the air. "I don't need you to play doctor on me. You're not my doctor. And you don't get to tell me what to do because you're not my father either." She argued. Putting him in his place.

"I know I'm not. But I know I am _something_. You're here. We love you. _We Love you_, Bella. And I'd like to think that you kind of love us too. So we have to be something. And I am concerned for you. We are all concerned for you." He tried to make her see reason. "We don't wanna boss you around. We just want to protect you."

Bella shook her head. "I appreciate your concern. But I got to do this for me. And I'd really like you to all give me a break now, please." She pleaded. She had had enough and he could see that. So he was gonna let her be for now. "OK. I can see that we're not getting anywhere right now. Perhaps we should all calm down and think this through before we discuss this any further." He stood up and went for the door. "Esme is making you dinner. Please do her the favor and eat something."

He left the room and Alice came back in. She leaned her back against the door eying Bella closely. She didn't say anything. She just looked. "What is it?" Bella finally asked. Feeling unsure. "You know Edward will come around eventually, right?" Alice stated.

This send Bella off the track. Why the sudden change of topic? Where was she going with this. "What do you mean." Alice sighed. "What I mean is that Edward doesn't hate you. He is just shocked and angry with himself and he'd really like to kill those guys who touched you. But he still loves you. That's why he got so upset in the first place." This was hard to believe. Bella couldn't think he'd ever even look at her again.

"You should go and talk to him later." Alice stated smiling mysteriously. Okay, this was kind of creepy. Bella eyed her suspiciously. "Did you just have a vision or something?" Alice only shrugged smiling smugly. "Just go to him later. Now you're gonna eat something. Come on." She held out her hand to help Bella up.

Meanwhile down in the living room Emmett's fantasy was running wild. "Wow, Bella … I would have never thought. I mean can you imagine her in a dirty little outfit going down and doing the … dirty …" He smirked his eyes shining with excitement.

Jasper groaned. This was definitely one of those days he wished he couldn't feel all of their emotions. "Would you stop that already? You're getting me all worked up." He grumpled.

"I can't I've got all those _images_ branded into my brain ... You think I could convince Rose to play …" He started but was cut off by Rosalie yelling from up stairs. "DEFINITELY NOT!"

Jasper stared at him in disbelieve. "Man, seriously I can't believe you're wife is already mad at you and you're still going on about this."

Emmett grinned wickedly at him and whispered: "Just a little advice between the two of us?" He leaned in wriggling his eyebrows meaningfully for dramatic emphasis. "The angrier she gets, the better the Make-up-sex will be. You should try it some time."

"OK now stop it! Think of something to turn you off or get a cold shower, because you're making me all … whoa … and if you haven't noticed my wife is busy comforting Bella upstairs."

"Oooooh wow! Now that is great stuff! _Alice_ _and_ _Bella_ getting it on …" Jasper groaned frustrated again. This was hopeless.

* * *

A/N: Higginbotham. It sounds strange. But I researched that. And it supposedly is in fact Renee's maiden name. I made the pet up though. Because as far as I know something like that was never mentioned in the books. If I'm wrong and Bella's first pet is mentioned please feel free to enlighten me.


	8. awkwardness

**Runaway by Kibibe**

**Awkwardness**

After taking his frustrations out on a Grizzly bear Edward had eventually returned to the house and reclined to his room. He needed to do some thinking. Only thinking clearly while he was bombarded with all those naughty thoughts from Emmett and Jasper's minds proved to be kind of hard. Usually he had no problem blocking out their thoughts but right now it were fantasies about Bella that were playing in their heads. He didn't want them to think about her like that. He didn't want anyone to think about her like that. Or know her like that. A deep growl escaped his throat.

And then there was Rosalie. Rosalie was mad. Again. Jealous. This revelation made a smile creep onto his face, but it was washed right off again as she started picturing herself killing Bella and make it look like an accident. "Rosalie!" He hissed enraged. She heard him and quickly shoved those thoughts aside.

He sat down at his desk and stared at his journals. They were full of words for Bella. All he ever wrote about was Bella. He had started with writing down their story. How they met. What they said. Every little detail he could remember. When he was done he wrote down notes for her. Things he would have wanted to tell her. Everything he wanted her to know. He had written poems and songs for her. He had never played the songs though. Just written down the music. He hadn't touched the piano since he had left her.

He had created his own little fantasy of her. Some ideal image he had of her. Now she was back and he had thought that this was all he had ever wanted. But now he realized that his fantasy was just that. A pretty little picture he had created for himself. The reality had hit him hard. The reality of what he had made her become.

He could see her story as she had told it to Alice in all of their minds. And it was nagging at him. The way she was struggling. How her whole life laid in shreds while he was writing his pretty little things thinking he had done her a favor.

But then again there were those thoughts from Jasper. Distracting him from his musings. Emmett wasn't really creative. His fantasies were shabby but Jasper's fantasy got him hooked. He wasn't picturing himself with her. It was just Bella and Alice. As much as this annoyed him it also kind of turned him on in a weird way. He, too, was just a guy after all. Seeing Bella like that certainly had it's effect on him. He groaned closing his eyes. He needed something to distract himself with. But he found himself unable to look away.

He didn't notice as the door to his room slowly crept open and Bella hesitantly walked in. She stared at him in awe. His eyes closed. Solemn expression. His head resting on the back of his chair. If she hadn't known any better she would've thought he was asleep. Then she heard him moan her name and her eyes grew wide with surprise. She gasped and he jumped out of his chair in shock.

She blushed as she saw the bulk in his pants. He quickly tried to hide it positioning himself behind his chair. "B Bella," he stammered, "How can I help you?"

She raised an eyebrow at him amused. "Help me, huh?" If he could blush at all he certainly would have. And she standing there in her little sleeping attire didn't exactly help his predicament either.

"Well I don't really know why I'm here actually. Alice just told me to go and see you. So here I am." She shrugged. There was a range of emotion passing over his face. Surprise. Realisation. Anger. Embarrassment. Alice had set him up. Then Bella too realised what was going on. This was what Alice had seen. Did she think this was funny?

Bella cleared her throat. "Well, okay. Obviously I have to go strangle some little pixie right now. So sorry for uhm interrupting." She grimaced at her own choice of words as she turned to leave. But he stopped her.

"No. I mean now that you're already here. Uhm maybe we can talk or ," he trailed off. She hesitated. "I'm really sorry about my reaction back there. I was I don't know I kind of lost it. I wasn't prepared for this." He continued gazing at her hopefully. She sighed considering what Alice had told her earlier. Maybe they really needed to talk. So she sat down on the couch. "Okay Are you going to keep hiding behind your chair? There's really no point since I already saw it." She stated grinning sheepishly.

He closed his eyes. This was so humiliating. Later he would have to thank his little sister properly. Right now he gathered up all his courage and strode over to the couch trying to look as casual as possible on his walk of shame. He perched awkwardly on the very edge of the couch and force a smile on his face for her.

She had to bite back a laugh. He was already so embarrassed but she just couldn't help herself. She had to know. "Let's talk. On one condition."

"What condition?" He frowned.

"You have to tell me what got you turned on." She nodded at the bulk in his pants. He closed his eyes taking a deep breath. Was she serious. Was this some sick way of torturing him. Had they all ganged up on him now?

"Take it or leave it." She shrugged and started to stand up again.

"Okay, okay. I'll tell you." He sighed. She sat back down and looked at him expectantly. "It was Jasper." He stated.

"Huh?" Was he joking? She made a grimace.

"No! Not like that!" He quickly corrected her. "His fantasy of you and Alice." He avoided her gaze. She laughed. He frowned. Now she was laughing at him. Really Alice had it coming for her hard.

"Sorry I didn't mean to laugh at you. It's just " She gestured. "Well anyway. Sooo you're secretly attracted to Alice?" She teased. "No." He huffed. "I'm attracted to you."

He had caught her off guard. After his reaction earlier that day she hadn't expected him to say this. "Wow." She found her voice again. "You really do have a funny way of showing that." She snapped narrowing her eyes at him.

"I said I'm sorry. I was overwhelmed. Unprepared. I always had the best intentions with you." He defended himself. She laughed humorlessly. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." Now they weren't just talking about earlier that day anymore. He reached out for her hands taking them into his own. "Tell me what I can do to make it up to you. I'll do anything."

She stared down at their hands. They looked so right together. His touch still made the butterflies go crazy in her stomach. There was no way of denying it. "I don't know what you can do. I think you'll have to figure it out yourself." She lifted up her head and smiled weakly at him. Maybe not all was lost. They just had to figure out a way to make it work again. She was giving him another chance and he was willing to take it and not let her down again.

With that she stood up and made her way to the door. "Good night." She whispered. "Sleep tight." He smiled ruefully. Not ready to let her go just now. She closed the door behind her and went to Alice's and Jasper's room. Alice and Jasper were curled up on the bed as she walked in. Alice looked at Jasper. "I think you need to leave." She whispered kissing him once more.

Jasper quickly left the room avoiding Bella's gaze. He knew Edward had told her about his fantasy and it bothered him a little. As he was gone Bella walked over to the bed snuggling up to Alice. She could really use some comfort after all the trouble today. "Hold me?" She asked and Alice complied.

* * *

A/N: I wanted to post this sooner, but whenever I found the time to write I was just so utterly tired. Once I literally fell asleep on the freaking keyboard. And let me tell you this is not a comfortable place to sleep plus you look kind of ridiculous afterwards.


	9. cat fight

**Runaway by Kibibe**

**Catfight**

The morning of the 28th Bella woke up with a nagging feeling in her stomach. She realized that she hadn't heard from Roxie in over two days. The day before she had been too preoccupied with all the drama about her occupation to really give it much thought. But now she was seriously worried. Ever since they had become friends they had never gone more than 24 hours without talking.

So now Bella was perched on the toilet seat in Alice's bathroom with her cell phone pressed tightly against her ear impatiently waiting for Roxie to pick up the phone. Every ring mocking her sanity. Finally on the seventh ring Roxie answered.

"_Hey what's up, Tink' Bell."_ She slurred. Bella grimaced. This didn't sound good at all.

"Roxie? Are you drunk?" Bella questioned.

"_I wouldn't say drunk, exactly …"_ Roxie giggled. _"… maybe a little tipsy … just a teensy little bit." _She babbled. More like wasted. Bella was alert now.

"Where are you? You OK?"

"_Mhm"_ There was more giggling_. "Stop it. I'm on the phone."_ She scolded someone. There was some ruffling on the other end of the line. Bedsheets? _"Oh come on baby ..."_ Bella heard a male voice whining in the background.

"Roxie! Who's that? Where are you?" Bella shrieked. She was positively freaking out now.

"_In a motel and this is …"_ Bella could barely make out some muffled conversation_."What's you're name again? – Max" _Bella faintly heard him answer._ "Oh right, Max."_ Her voice got louder again. _"That's Max. He says hi."_

"Would you care to explain?" All kinds of scary scenarios were playing in Bella's head now. She needed clarification. Roxie groaned on the other end. There was some shuffling and a click. She must have left the room.

"So?" Bella urged.

"_Hey chill alright? I'm fine."_

"You're wasted." Bella corrected her.

"_So?" _She snapped. _"Alright. Well long story short I had a huge fight with my mother and she kicked me out."_

Bella gasped shocked. "She what?!" She knew that Roxie's mom wasn't exactly mother of the year but kick her child out like that? Under these circumstances? She must have her last bit of sanity.

_"Yeah, well. So I met Max and he took me to his motel room. Now we're killing time drinking and making out and drinking some more ..."_ Bella was speechless there for a moment.

"Roxie, you just went home with some stranger?! Are you out of your mind?" She shrieked.

"_Well genius. What else was I supposed to do? Freeze to death out there?" _Roxie snapped unnerved.

"No." Bella sighed. "But Couldn't you have gotten your own motel room at least?"

_"With what money, huh? I barely have a enough to get back to New York once the damn snow situation is over. I don't even know if I can still go to Juilliard. I don't think my parents will pay anymore." _

"I can give you money. I'll transfer it. You cash it in and get your own room."

_"But I like the company. I don't wanna be all alone."_ Roxie whined.

"God Roxie!" Bella groaned in exasperation. "At least go easy on the alcohol and don't forget to eat something. I'll transfer you some money anyway."

_"Whoa you sound like some mother hen …"_

"I'm deeply concerned. And I hope you're using protection."

_"Jeez Bell! Stop it!" _Roxie gushed embarrassed.

"Okay just call me if you need anything."

_"I will. Bye."_

Bella hung up the phone with a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. This was a disaster. They should have both stayed home for Christmas. Everything had been bright and shiny just a few days ago. Now Roxie was on a path of self destruction and she had the Cullens on her back because they didn't approve of her lifestyle. And neither of them had a way out until the streets were finally clear again.

Bella left the bathroom with her phone tightly clutched in her hand. Alice was waiting for her in the bedroom with a laptop waiting in front of her giving her sympathetic smile. "There you go." She pushed it in Bella's direction. She must have heard … or seen what Bella needed to do. Bella send her a grateful smile and plopped down on the bed. Alice gave her some privacy vanishing into the depth of her closet while Bella logged into her bank account and transferred the money to Roxie's.

As she was done she shut down the computer and went to search for Alice. She found her standing in front of a long rack in the back of the closet. She held out an outfit as Bella approached. A cute dark blue dress with grey tights and a cardigan. "What do think?" She asked smiling hopefully. Bella was taken by surprise. Had Alice just asked her opinion?

Alice's face fell as Bella failed to answer. So Bella quickly collected herself and cleared her throat. "It looks really nice …" She phrased carefully. She didn't want to hurt Alice's feelings. Yet again. "But you don't wanna wear it." Alice pouted ruefully glancing at the outfit she had put together as she hung it away. "Sorry. It's just … I don't particularly like tights. They're kind of uncomfortable."

"Okay so jeans it is, huh?" Alice grimaced. Bella nodded. Now they were talking. They decided on an outfit that kind of made them both happy and turned to go downstairs to see what every one else was doing.

In the hallway they passed Rosalie who roughly bumped Bella's shoulder while passing them.

"Whoa. What's her problem?" Bella rolled her eyes as she rubbed her throbbing shoulder while Alice glared at Rosalie.

Upon hearing Bella's comment Rosalie spun around. "You wanna know what my problem is?! YOU are! You little man stealing whore!" She yelled.

"Rosalie!" Alice hissed while Bella took a step forward. "Man stealing?! I think you should get your head checked!"

"Don't even think that I can't see through your little games. You come here a wrap everyone around your little finger. But you don't fool me, whore!" Rosalie spat.

"Well at least I'm not a spoiled brat like you?! Some of us actually do earn their money." Bella was livid now Alice tried to hold her back but she was having none of that.

"Well go ahead and earn your money from Edward but leave my man out of this!"

Bella laughed humorlessly. "A little paranoid aren't we? Psycho bitch!" She narrowed her eyes glaring daggers into Rosalie.

"YOU" Rosalie growled and charged for Bella but before she could reach her Edward appeared out of nowhere, grabbed her by the throat and smashed her into the wall. The brick crumbling under the force. Meanwhile Alice had positioned herself protectively in front of Bella. Edward was pressing down on Rosalie's throat causing it to crunch audibly. The noise made Bella's stomach turn.

Just then Emmett came flying up the stairs and roughly pulled Edward away from his wife making him collide with the opposite wall. Leaving another huge hole gaping in the hallway. Rosalie fell down on her knees and held her throat. "If you harm a hair on her head I swear to god …!" He snarled. Edward growled at him. They both crouched down ready to strike.

Then suddenly Carlisle was standing between the two. "Stop it! NOW!" He yelled. "Have you all lost your mind?! I will not tolerate that kind of behaviour in my house!"

Bella could feel a calming sensation spreading in her chest and sure enough as she turned to her side there was Jasper. The waves radiating off of him now where so intense Bella started feeling drowsy and her knees buckled under her. Esme steadied her from behind as she and Alice were carefully maneuvering her away from the scene.

She faintly heard Carlisle and Jasper berating the hotheads as they descended the stairs. Esme and Alice sat her down on the couch. "You OK?" Esme asked concerned brushing the hair out of Bella's face. Bella nodded numbly. "I'm fine … Just a little too much soothing from Jasper." She smiled weakly. Esme's and Alice's faces lit up in relieve.

Bella was nibbling on a sandwichas Edward and Jasper entered the living room. Jasper send her an apologetic smile and mouthed 'sorry'. He had used a little more of his power than he usually would have with her around. He was glad she didn't pass out. But he had to prevent a full on physical confrontation between Edward, Emmett and Rosalie at all cost. With Bella so near by it would have been too dangerous.

Jasper joined Alice on the armchair while Edward sat down beside Bella on the couch. He carefully brushed a hand over Bella's hair. "Are you OK?" He asked. "I'm fine." She shrugged. "You're the one who flew into a wall." He grinned.

"The three of you are gonna clean that up." Esme announced glaring at Edward with her fists resting on her hips. "Rosalie started –" Edward was cut off by Esme pointing her finger at him and narrowing her eyes dangerously. This was the first time Bella had seen her actually looking like a vampire. It frightened her a little. Esme then turned around and climbed the stairs to join Carlisle in chiding Rosalie.

"So someone care to explain that woman to me?" Bella asked glancing around between Jasper, Alice and Edward. Alice smiled ruefully. "Well basically she's got a major problem with you getting all the attention. Especially from Emmett … and me." Alice explained. "I'm getting attention from Emmett?" Bella wondered bewildered.

Jasper and Edward rolled their eyes. "You just kind of … inspired him …" Jasper hinted. Edward scolded at him. "Oh." Bella mouthed. "Not like he's considering anything. He's still madly in love with her. It's just her ego." Jasper clarified.

"Plus she feels like you're stealing her friend." Edward continued. Bella raised an eyebrow at him. "See Rosalie and Alice usually are the girls in the bunch. They stick together – against us. And now Alice is all over you and she feels left out. Not that any of this is an excuse though." He added glowering.

Thinking about it now Edward was right ever since she woke up here she was the center of attention with all her little dramas. But the way Rosalie was acting. What did she expect? She had hit way below the belt earlier and Bella wasn't willing to swallow that and forgive and forget just because she was feeling a little unappreciated or something.

* * *

A/N: This was so much fun to write. Hope it was fun to read too. I'm still thinking about a game where Bella would have the advantage for one of the following chapters. So nothing that requires strength or coordination or where foreseeing the opponents moves will help you. I don't know. Pictionary, Activity or Taboo maybe? I never played Apples to Apples or Outburst but the descriptions sound kind of fun. Maybe I should get one of those for my HalloweenParty. Twister? Or Spin the bottle? Truth or Dare? But there's usually no winner & it'd be a little immature. I think.


	10. nightmare

**Runaway by Kibibe**

**Nightmare**

The rest of the day was was pretty uneventful. For Bella at least. Alice and Rosalie needed to go hunting and after the little dispute between Bella and Rosalie, Emmett decided to accompany his wife to not make her any more furious by staying with the girl and Alice insisted for Jasper to come too because as mad as she currently was with her sister she felt she might need him.

They left late in the afternoon. Bella spend the rest of the day watching TV next to Edward on the couch. Not really paying attention to the program because it was kind of awkward being alone with him. She kept stealing glances at him and caught him doing the same a couple of times. But she wasn't quite sure where they were standing.

Yesterday it sounded like he might have feelings for her. He had said that he was attracted to her. What did that mean? Just lust or – she barely even dared to think – more like love maybe?

But no matter what she still wasn't sure how she could get past what he had done to her by leaving. How was she supposed to trust him again. He might just get up and leave her all over again. How was she supposed to live with that possibility.

She stayed up late. She kind of dreaded going to bed, because Alice wasn't there to hold her tonight. She felt that especially today she'd need someone to hold her. And Alice was the only one she felt like she could ask to do that. She knew that Edward probably would do it if she asked, but she didn't want him to just do it because he felt obligated.

Edward was hoping against hope that after everything that had happened that day and since Alice wasn't there, Bella might ask him to hold her like she had done with Alice the night before. But she didn't. And as she closed the door to Alice and Jasper's room his dead heart sank in his chest.

He waited until her breathing turned shallow and her heart slowed so she would surely be asleep as he entered the room and sat on the floor watching her. Wondering if and how he could ever win her back. He was determined to do what ever it would take.

_"YOU" Rosalie growled and charged for Bella. __She spun around and ran out of the house as fast as she could, into the snow that reached as high as her knees, knowing that it was probably useless since she could never compete with Rosalie's abilities – could never compete with Rosalie in any way. After all she was still just some plain human girl. How could she have ever believed that she might be something more - something special. She never was and she never would be ... special ... ever. Tears sprang in her eyes. How foolish the things she had hoped for. She hadn't been good enough for him then, how could she be now? After what she had become? Foolish, Bella, so foolish. Running through the deep snow was exhausting and she felt her legs give out under her. She fell. It was over. She couldn't outrun her. So she just waited._

_But nothing ever happened and she wondered what took Rosalie so long? Was she playing games now? She sat up looking around her. There was nothing. Just a seemingly endless sea of white and some green peaking through here and there on the trees. Strange. What was Rosalie trying to do?_

_And more importantly what was _she _going to. All alone in this forest. If Rosalie wouldn't come for her, what was she supposed to do. Could she find a way out? Would someone find her? Would she freeze to death out here? Was this her grave. How ironic it seemed for her grave to be ice cold – ice cold like the one she had loved so much, the one she had craved for. That thought brought a smile on her quivering lips._

_But then out of the corner of her eyes she saw something moving. Something red – flaming red. The dread made the hair in the back of her head stand up. Only once had she seen that color but she sure as hell would never forget it. It was branded into her brain haunting her in her sleep. She would recognize it anywhere. And now it was here. "If you knew what she had planned for you …" Laurant's words echoed in her ears._

_Running would be useless now, but what else was there to do? She wouldn't go down without a fight. So she struggled to get back on her feet, her legs protesting, already so close to exhaustion. The snow slowing her down even more. She could almost feel the icy breath on her neck. Tears of frustration sprang in her eyes. Why couldn't it just be over already? What was stopping her? Did she enjoy this?_

_She ran and ran, her lungs aching with the icy air streaming in, her legs hurting so much, slowing her down more and more as the sky got darker and darker and then there was no forest anymore. She found herself on a street. The icy wind tearing at her shivering frame and blowing a thick stream of snowflakes into her face. A freakin' Blizzard … again. But she was alone there was no one else anymore. _

_Strange how could she have outrun the devil woman? Unless - and that realization seemed so much more painful than anything that dreadful Vampire woman could have done to her – unless this had all just been her mind playing games with her. Unless she was still stumbling through that damned blizzard on Christmas Eve. Of course. It was all an hallucination because she was dying. Like in that awful fairytale - The Little Match Seller. Exactly like her freezing to death only she somehow she wasn't able to stay in oblivion. Her sweet oblivion was being ripped from her so cruelly. Making reality that much worse._

_So with this realization she finally gave up and laid her battered body down on the icy ground – waiting for death to finally take her. Tears flowing in a steady stream down her face as she closed her eyes for the last time. And then she heard the soft murmur of his voice one last time. Heaven._

Edward grew quite concerned as he now saw tears flowing down Bella's cheeks. She had been restless all night. Tossing and turning in her sleep. Groaning and mumbling incoherently. He'd wanted to comfort her. Hold her like he'd done before. So long ago. But he wasn't sure if she'd be okay with that. So he stayed where he was sitting on the floor his back leaning against the wall. But now that she was crying, he couldn't bear it any longer and he finally gave up trying to keep his distance. He cradled her at his chest humming soothing words into her ear until her eyes fluttered open darting around the room. Then they focused on his face. He smiled tentatively holding her gaze as he whispered "Good Morning, love."

He internally berated himself for letting that slip out. An old habit. He knew he was clearly overstepping his boundaries with this. But still he hoped that she might let it slide ... or maybe even like it. But that was totally wishful thinking and he knew it.

Bella opened her eyes and it was finally light again. She was still a little cold. Not as bad as before though. Interesting. She'd always assumed heaven would be warm. And then she saw him smiling at her. He was holding her in his arms and she couldn't help the tears falling again. Swimming her vision. Because she knew he wasn't real. He couldn't be.

It felt so real. His arms around her. His smile. His scent. But it couldn't be real. He couldn't be. They didn't even live in the same world anymore. He was alive down there. She was dead up here. And he would never come here. This couldn't be heaven after all. There wasn't supposed to be pain in heaven. And pain was all she felt now realizing that they could never even be in the same world anymore.

Edward panicked. She was crying even harder than before shaking furiously. Stupid. He shouldn't have given into his desires. Should have given her her space. Should have just let her be. She obviously didn't want him to hold her. He led her down on the bed carefully and turned to leave when she got even more hysterical. What was going on? What should he do? He'd proably need Carlisle. Before he could even call for him he was standing in the doorway.

"What happened?" He demanded bewildered glancing back and forth between Edwards panicked face and Bella's shaking form on the bed. Edward shook his head exasperedly "I don't know."

Bella felt him lie her down on something soft and than he was gone. "No!" She cried grabbing her hair. This couldn't be. Her own personal hell. He was leaving her again. What had she done to deserve this? To end up in hell? "Why?" She cried. "Why … keep leaving me?" She choked out between sobs.

Edward and Carlisle both froze dead in their tracks. Leaving her? "Edward go back to her, now!" Carlisle ordered. And he did. Picking her up in his arms and holding her tight to his body. "Shhh it's okay love." He whispered rubbing her back. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Shhh".

All the while Carlise was examining her. "She's hysterical. We need to calm her down." He observed. "But I don't have anything that I could give her." He frowned just as Esme came into the room. "Maybe if he carried her around? Like you'd do with a baby?" She suggested. Carlisle shrugged. "Could hurt trying. Just keep her warm." He advised.

So Edward wrapped the blanket around her shivering frame and picked her up like a baby laying her head on his shoulder. He paced the room rocking her and rubbing her back while he breathed soothing sounds into her ear. And after a while it seemed to work. Her sobs died down to little whimpers as she held the fabric of the back of his shirt in a death grip.

Bella was utterly confused as Edward came back to her. This afterlife was strange. So could this be heaven after all? But knowing that he wasn't real, because he was now living in an entirely different world - never able to join her here - still hurt her so much. So it still kind of felt like hell. But maybe this was something in between. The only solace she could get in this world. And thinking about loosing even this illusion of him had her heart filled with dread. So she clung to it with all her might.

* * *

A/N: Finally a new chapter ... if someone is actually still reading this. The slacking kind of annoys me myself, especially since I've already got this whole thing planned out to the end since like a year ago. Also made a few changes in the first chapter. So you might wanna check that out if you're interested.


	11. delusional

**Runaway by Kibibe**

**Delusional**

Later that morning Bella had fallen back into a dreamless slumber and Edward tried to lie her down, but her grip on his shirt was still iron tight. So he settled for a sitting position on the bed with her clinging to him, straddling his hips as Alice quietly opened the door.

_What was that? _She communicated to him in her thoughts her expression thoroughly worried.

"I don't know. I think she's had a nightmare. But a reaction like this " He whispered shaking his head in confusion while Alice sat down on the edge of the bed running her fingers through Bella's tangled hair.

"When will she wake up?" He asked.

_In about a few hours._ _It seems to have been pretty exhausting for her. Rose and Emmett are going to stay away for a while, but Jasper is here in case we need to calm her down again. _

"Thanks." Edward nodded. _Anytime._

Later Bella woke up feeling like she'd been sleeping for a hundred years. Her body was stiff and her muscles ached from staying in that cramped position for such a long time. She felt the cold and the hardness of his body before she even opened her eyes.

He was still there. A smile crept onto her face. He was still there. Edward. Her solace. And looking at his smiling face now made her confident to pretend like he was real. Yes this was what she was going to do.

She had finally woken up and this time she was smiling. He couldn't help returning the smile, relief rushing through him. The scare was over. Maybe she didn't even remember the episode. However, no need to remind her right now.

"Well good morning sleepy head." He smiled.

"Morning." She answered in a singsongy voice, snuggling up in his lap.

Well that was quite confusing. Yesterday they'd been awkwardly perched on the couch and he hadn't been sure if she could ever forgive or trust him again and now she was cuddling up like it was the most natural thing in the world.

He caught Alice's confused stare and simply shrugged. He was certainly not gonna complain about that turn of events. However, his train of thought was interrupted by the rumbling of her stomach.

Bella felt the heat rise in her cheeks as her stomach loudly announced his needs and she watched Edwards features morph into that favourite crooked grin of his. "I think we should really get you something to eat." He chuckled.

Strange thing this afterlife. Apparently you still needed to eat and sleep and as far as she could tell, you basically still felt exactly like when you were alive. She pondered this as she slid off the bed careful to keep a hold on Edwards hand.

That's when she saw Alice standing beside the bed and she was bursting with joy. Not only Edward was here but Alice too.

She barely noted Alice's funny expression as she flung herself at the little pixie, dragging Edward behind her. She made a mental note not to do that again, because Alice was hard. It felt like jumping at a brick wall. But right now she was too happy to care about minor inconveniences like bruises. Besides this made it all the more realistic and therefore easier to pretend that they were indeed real.

"Hey Bella. Missed you too." Alice patted Bella's back throwing Edward another worried glance. As much as Alice liked her to be all perky, something was clearly not right. This was not the Bella that spend the last four days with them. This wasn't even the Bella that they knew back in Forks. Edward simply nodded in agreement.

Bella detangled herself from Alice grabbing her hand in her free one and heading for the door. If the others were here too she was gonna need more arms to hold them all to herself. She mused.

Esme was just setting a plate down on the Living room table as they reached the bottom of the stairs. "Thank you Esme. I love you." Bella chirped as they said down on the couch. Esme was a little taken by surprise but recovered before Bella could notice. "I love you two, dear."

Bella's eyes wandered from the deliciously looking pancakes on the plate before her to the hands she was gripping tightly in her lap and back. How was she gonna eat them without letting go of Edward and Alice? She pondered.

Her train of thought was interrupted by Esme's voice. "What's wrong dear? Do you want something else?" Esme asked. Bella's head snapped up abruptly. "No." she frantically shook her head. Now she had probably offended Esme. "No this is great. Really. It looks delicious. It's just " she trailed off staring at the hands again while tears of frustration welled up in her eyes.

"What is it?" Edward whispered deeply concerned while brushing her hair out of her face. Bella bit her lip shifting nervously.

"Come on. Spit it out. We won't bite." Alice winked. So Bella timedly peaked up from under her lashes.

"You you will still be here when I let you go?" She glanced at the hand she had tightly clutched around Alice's.

Alice followed her eyes cocking her head in confusion. "Of course I will. Where would I go?" Bella didn't answer as she slowly loosened her grip on Alice's tiny pale white hand. All three pairs of eyes watching her with great concern. _She's very anxious now. Her emotions are pretty unstable. _Jasper informed Edward through his thoughts.

Bella ate the pancakes as fast as she possibly could stealing glances in Alice's direction while she grabed Edwards hand even more tightly. She reached out for Alice as soon as she had shoved the last bite into her mouth. Only then could she relax again.

"Soo" Alice announced. "Maybe we should get you dressed now, huh?" She nudged Bella before standing up waiting for her to follow.

Bella's eyes widened with panic. Getting dressed? This would inevitably mean letting go of Edward. She couldn't do that. It was hard enough to let go of Alice. But Edward? And out of her sight too. "No." She shook her head stubbornly. This was not going to happen.

"No?" Alice asked perplexed.

"No." Bella repeated hugging herself to Edward.

_I think we've got a major problem. _Alice communicated with Edward in her thoughts. _What are we going to do?_ _Carlisle? _Edward nodded. Then he put his hand under Bella's chin to make her look up at him. "You go with Alice while I discuss something with Carlisle. We'll meet here as soon as you're ready. All right?" She stubbornly shook her head again. "No."

He sighed. "Why not? I'm not going anywhere." He assured her. "That's right." Alice nodded smiling encouragingly. But Bella wouldn't butch.

That's when Carlisle spoke up descending the stairs with Jasper by his side. "It might help to tell them what you are afraid of. Can you do that? What will happen when you let go of them?"

Alice sat down again while Carlisle took a seat in the armchair. Five pairs of golden eyes looked at Bella expectantly. Waiting for her to speak. She bit her lip. "Great now we're having an afterlife therapy session. How ridiculous is that?" She mumbled under her breath.

"Afterlife?" Edward asked looking utterly confused. But Carlisle held up his hand to stop him. "What do you mean 'afterlife'?". Carlisle asked for clarification.

Bella sighed ennerved. "Look I'm new at this. I just got here. I don't know how this works. Maybe you'll be gone if I let you out of my sight. This Illusion is all I have now and I don't know how like well stable it is. So Im not gonna take any chances. Plus why do I even still need to go get dressed? Can't I just snap my fingers or something?" They let her ramble on, taking in all the information she provided.

"So I take it that you think you're dead." Carlisle summed up. He was in doctor mode. "Why do you think that?"

"Because I died, obviously." Bella stated matter-of-factly.

Carlisle smiled patiently. "Yeah what I mean is can you tell me how think you died? What do you remember?" He rephrased.

"I froze to death in a snowstorm. Because my got stuck in the middle of nowhere." Bella stated impatience coloring her words. Why did they have to have to do this now. This interrogation was making her uncomfortable.

Carlisle nodded taking this in. "But I found you. And I brought you here. You've been staying with us for a couple of days now." He reminded her.

Bella shook her head. "No. That was a just a hallucination. My mind played me. And I'm not gonna be fooled again." She was getting really irritated. Was her own mind turning against her now? Trying to lure her back into this illusion or whatever this was?

"Bella you were having a nightmare last night. And I think you're sense of reality got a little confused. So is there anything you remember that did feel say kind of surreal? Locations you didn't know how you got to? Anything?"

"I already told you this was all a hallucination as is this." She gestured around. "So discussing it is just totally ridiculous." She squirmed.

"All right." Carlisle sighed. This was harder than he had thought. "But if this is all just your mind giving you what you want " He glanced at the hands she was still clutching tightly in her lap. " why do you still cling to Alice and Edward? If this was all in your head they couldn't go anywhere right?" He reasoned.

She bid her Lip again. He had a point there. But she couldn't be sure. "I don't want to take my chances."

"Why not?" He pressed.

Bella shifted uncomfortably. Why did he make her say this when she really didn't wanna think about it. "It's bad enough to know that we can never live in the same world again, because the real Edward and Alice all of you will never die. So the risk of loosing the illusions too " She trailed of her face contorted in pain.

Edward was shocked. He had never thought about it this way. What if she had a point. What his refusal to damn her to the same existence as his would ultimately damn her soul to suffer in whatever existence it would lead after her death? Apparently he had underestimated her feelings for him. The way she said this now seemed like she was feeling exactly like he was.

God what had he done to her? Not only had he left her in danger, destroyed her life and ultimately driven her away from her family and friends to be forced to take care of her own. Take care of her own and being forced to sell her body. But he had also left her in pain. Seemingly the same pain he had been in. How could she ever forgive him? How could she not hate him? How could she even look at him?

He was snapped out of his self loathing thoughts by Alice slapping his head. He met her eyes as she was glaring at him. _Don't you dare. This time you're gonna listen to me._ She chided him.

* * *

A/N: Ok so this is it for this chapter. I hope you're not too confused now. ;)

And she is about to come back to reality. This breakdown was just majorly overdue with all the repressing emotions and stuff.


	12. back to reality

**Runaway by Kibibe**

**Back to Reality**

He had to admit Alice had a point. Indulging in his self loathing was not going to help Bella right now. So he decided to put his emotions aside and pull her closer hugging her to him and letting her bury her head in his neck, while Alice rubbed soothing circles on her back.

He swore to himself that from now on he would do anything in his power to give her what she wanted and needed. He would totally spoil her. He would find a way to let her crawl inside him, if that's what it took to make her happy.

But they still needed to make her see that she was not dead. Her argumentation was solid. She was being so stubborn. Typically Bella. Apparently there were some things that would never change and as inconvenient as it was sometimes, it was also reassuring to know that there would always be something to be sure of.

Meanwhile Carlisle, too, was trying to come up with a way to make Bella come back to reality. They had to make her see the dream. He glanced around the room. Waiting for Bella to calm down enough to talk again and hoping for someone to help him come up with a plan. Psychology had never been his area of expertise. He was a physician after all. He might have picked up a thing or two in his years of practice and from the first few month with his wife, but this was way out of his league.

Pondering this he suddenly saw Alice's face light up with one of her mysterious smiles. Shortly before the front door was being opened and Rosalie and Emmett entered the house. He cocked his eyebrow in question. How were they supposed to help the situation? _You'll see._ Alice mouthed.

"I refuse to be exiled from my own home because of her. I've got every right to be here. After all I was here first." Rosalie stubbornly declared on her way into the living room. But her carefully planned out speech was cut short as soon she saw the scene before her. "Ugh. What now?" She threw her hands up in exasperation.

Bella froze in Edwards arms upon hearing Rosalie's voice and feeling the vibration of Edwards low growl on her chest at the same time. Rosalie. Suddenly her mind was bombarding her with images. Rosalie being thrown into a wall by Edward Emmett attacking Edward in turn sitting in the living room afterwards Alice leaving to go hunting sitting on the couch with Edward going to bed alone

Where did those memories come from? How did these events fit into all of this mess? Nothing seemed to make sense anymore. Everything seemed so surreal. She grabbed her head in her hands pulling at her hair in frustration. What was real and what wasn't, dammit?

"Sorry couldn't keep her away any longer." Emmett shrugged appearing behind Rosalie. But stopping dead in his tracks upon seeing the scene playing out in his living room. "Whoa! Who died?" He exclaimed but held his hands up in surrender as Edward send him a death glare.

Who died? What a strange thing to ask. Why would her mind ask her that? Suddenly she opened her eyes, staring straight ahead. "Me." She answered the question in a voice void of any emotion. " or did I?" She looked up to glance at their faces seeking an answer or expecting them to morph into something else now that her mind had started to attack this reality. But they didn't.

Carlisle claimed that she'd been having a nightmare. What if this was real like they claimed? It could very well be. Now that she thought about it, wouldn't her mind have produced a much more idyllic scenario? Instead of all those conflicts?

But dying had also felt so real. The things that happened before, however, did not. Come to think about it, the memories that just came back to her where a lot less fuzzy and made a lot more sense than the ones where Rosalie and then Victoria were chasing her through the forest.

Rosalie raised her eyebrows. "Seriously? Drama Queen much?" She muttered when Bella suddenly jumped to her feet dragging Alice and Edward behind her as she stumbled up the stairs. tripping several times in her hurry.

She stopped in the upstairs hallway staring in awe at the two huge holes still gaping in the walls, while her mind put the pieces together. Everything felt exactly like when you were alive. She had gone to sleep last night. So the whole chase thing had been a dream.

But beining here and dying out in the snowstorm could both very well be real. Couldn't it? But they could never both be real at the same time. So which one was reality? If dying was real and this wasn't, why would her mind make things so difficult? And why would the afterlife feel so much like life? Logically that would be very unlikely.

Plus now that she thought about it like that she suddenly remembered that when she'd been dying, she hadn't been wearing the things she'd been wearing when she went out into the storm, but the same things she'd been wearing when she was running away from Rosalie. So that meant there was only one possibility left. Dying was part of her dream and she woke up in Edwards arms and made a complete fool of herself.

"I am alive. I did not die in the snow storm." She concluded wearily studying their faces. They nodded looking kind of relieved.

"Yes! You're here! You're save and you're finally coming back to your senses!" Alice exclaimed excitedly enveloping her in a hug.

Bella slowly let go of their hands as she felt the heat rising in her cheeks. This was so embarrassing. What would they think of her now. Acting like a crazy person. It was so frustrating. No matter how hard she tried, she kept proving herself more and more inferior of them. Unworthy of their devotion.

"There is nothing to be ashamed of." Jasper declared at once. Startling Bella. Of course he'd know how she was feeling. All the more embarrassing.

"Rosalie is right. I was being stupid and acting like a crazy person. I'm so sorry." She whispered. Her head hung low. Not daring to look them in the eye anymore.

"Now with the self pity again? Seriously?" Rosalie exclaimed. and Edward turned to her ready to strike. But Emmett was already putting himself in his way.

"This is not exactly helping, Rosalie." Carlisle declared calmly.

"I'm just saying. You've already made your decision. You want this. You want to be a freaking part of this family. She was freaking clinging to them just now. Yet she can't let them in now that she knows they're real? She just wont reach out to get what she wants. What is holding you back, god dammit?" She demanded. "And for the record. I never said you were stupid or acting like a crazy person. I just said you were acting overly dramatic." She added.

"I'm not good enough. I know that. I always knew that. and I know that if I delude myself again into thinking that you could really want me as a part of this family, or as a mate," she looked Edward straight in the eye, "it will be so much harder for me when you realize that I really am not good enough and you leave me again." Her voice broke on that last word.

Edward was left speechless. He felt like someone had pulled the rug from under his feet. Seeing what his words had done to her. How he had underestimated her love for him and the severeness of her insecurities. In that context his words and the way he had left her had probably been the very worst thing he could have ever said and done to her. Not only had he endangered her life, driven her away from her home, her family and her friends, putting her in a position where she had to sell her body to survive; he'd also destroyed her spirit. How could he have been so blind? So oblivious? Why couldn't he see what she had been feeling? Why did she of all people have to be the one exception to his gift? Why didn't he listen to Alice when she told him that leaving was a bad idea? The very worst idea he'd ever had it seemed. Mistake after mistake.

He was pulled from his strain of thoughts by Rosalie sighing deeply. "This is as bad as it gets." _You see what you've done? You've got to make this right All this drama is totally getting on my nerves_, she spoke to him in her thoughts.

As much as he hated to admit it his sister was right. The situation was getting more and more out of hand. And for her to actually demand that Bella joined their family was a huge step. As much as she'd envied her for the options she still had as a human, she realized that by this point that him and her could never really function right without each other anymore. On the other hand she hadn't asked for Bella to make the transformation. Just to be part a the family. So maybe the step wasn't as huge after all.

However he had to try and amend what he'd done to her. To maybe restore some of what he destroyed and maybe even get her to accept his help and let him try to make her life better again. If he could just find a way to make her see that she wasn't the one that was unworthy. That he'd made that stupid decision in a futile attempt to protect her. That to this minute he never stopped loving her. But how should he do this? Her beliefs were so strong. Always had been.

"Bella I think you still don't really understand. I did not leave you because I thought you were not good enough. I never thought that. Quite the opposite really." He sighed deeply running a hand through his hair. Then he got an idea and at the same time he saw in Alice's mind that it would work. "I think I need to show you something." He held out his hand for her to take.

* * *

A/N: So I kind of feel bad because I had like 80% of this ready in like November. I'm a terrible slacker ... but now It's here. And I'm one step closer to actually finishing something. Not that the end is anywhere near at this point. At least like approximately 10 more chapters to go.


	13. show me the love

**Runaway by Kibibe**

**Show me the Love**

Bella hesitated. But though she was still beyond embarrassed, her curiosity got the better of her and she finally took his hand.

Edward let her into his room and walked them over to the desk that was buried under piles of his journals. She eyed him expectantly. "So what's here to show?"

"This," he gestured and picked one up. "Read it." He handed it to her. She took it from his hand eying it wearily. It was thick, bound in brown leather. Of curse it was classy like everything they owned. They wouldn't even write on random paper. She frowned. Everything here was special. It was ridiculous how even a simple notebook could make her feel so small compared to them. And she hated that feeling. She was supposed to be stronger now. They were slowly tearing down her defenses. She knew that, but she couldn't do anything about it. Maybe she didn't want to and that scared her even more.

She met his gaze exasperated. He nodded in encouragement urging her to read the book. She wondered what something that was written in an old notebook could have to do with anything. So she unwound the ties and flipped it open. She recognized his neat handwriting at once. After she'd read the first few lines she realized that this weren't just any notebooks and she snapped the thing shut again. "Diaries? I can't read your diaries." She screeched.

"Yes you can. I'm showing them to you," he said as he gathered a pile and put it on the coffee table. Then he plopped down on the couch. "I wrote them all for you anyway," he stated matter-of-factly.

"Hugh?" She was getting more and more confused. Why would he write diaries for her?

"Just read them. You'll see," he urged again. So she flipped the book back open and started to read. She realized what he meant. It was addressed to her. He watched her carefully.

_I can't believe I've let it come to this. My selfish desire to be with you almost got you killed yet again. I will never forgive myself for this …_

He must have written this just after her disastrous birthday party. It was painful to read. His agony oozing from the paper mixing with her own memories of those last days they had spend together. But it wasn't what she had expected. It was totally twisted. It was ironic to read about how he saw himself. In her mind they were so special. Better than her in every aspect, like gods. Now to see how much he despised himself, what he was, what he had done.

She looked up from the book and met his gaze. Staring at him in wonder. She had thought that she knew him, but she realized now she had made assumptions just like he had apparently. Her insecurities ruled her mind like his fears and twisted believes ruled his. Now she seemed to be really seeing him for the first time. Then she realized that he was waiting for her to say something. "You did love me?" she whispered in awe. Though he had said it a thousand time back then, she never thought he really could have.

He nodded. "I probably always will. Our feelings don't tend to be fickle."

She averted her gaze glancing down at her feet. "I never thought you really could. It didn't make sense."

"I'm starting to see the dimension of your insecurities. And I'm really sorry about what my words must have done in that context. But I'm glad that my diaries finally convinced you," he paused for a moment waiting for her to say something more. She fumbled with the leather binds. Pondering their situation. He did love her. What did that mean. Did he want to be with her again. Despite what she did? Did she want to be with him? Did she dare put herself out there again? Make herself so vulnerable again?

"Tell me what you're thinking," he finally said.

"I'm not sure. This is a lot to take in," she evaded his question. "You say they're all for me?" She gestured at the other journals.

"Every single one of them," he said, "You can read them all if you like and you don't have to keep standing there." He padded the couch next to him. She slowly sank down on the couch putting the book into her lap gnawing at her lip. She was afraid to ask but the question seemed inevitable now. "Where does this leave us? Where do we go from here?"

He leaned back eying her closely. It was the very same question that was running circles in his mind now. She had avoided to tell him what she was thinking and though he was hopeful there was one thing he had learned that with her he could never be sure. "That depends …," he trailed of.

She looked back up to meet his gaze. "On what?"

"Whether you can forgive me or not and on what you feel for me now?"

She blushed. "You already know that."

He cocked his head to the side. "Do I?"

She nodded. "You do remember my little episode from before?" She hinted and her favorite crooked smile formed on his face as he leaned towards her reaching for her hand. He stopped there inches from her face searching her eyes. He was so close she could smell his intoxicating scent and the butterflies in her stomach fluttered like crazy. All her worries were forgotten for now. Because with her heart drumming so loudly in her ears all she could think about was the feel of his cold, hard lips against her own. She squeezed his hand and he leaned in having apparently found what he was looking for. His delicious scent made her dizzy. It had been so long since she had smelled it. Finally their lips touched and though it was somewhat familiar it felt like the very first time. Her memory hadn't done him justice at all.

"Wow," she breathed as they finally broke apart.

"Yeah." He nodded pulling her against his cold hard chest. "Can I hold you again tonight?" He blurted out.

She smiled snuggling up to him. Then he showed her more of his journals, the things he had wanted to tell her and his poems.

"Were you thinking about me, too, while we were … apart?" He suddenly asked.

"I tried not to because it hurt, but I couldn't help it sometimes." She grimaced.

"What were those thoughts about?"

"Well, mostly when I was doing … things I'd think about what you would have thought of me." He caught the hesitation in her voice and he knew at once what she was referring to. He balled his fist reflexively. To think of all those guys that had gawked at her, touched her even.

She felt his mood change and peaked up at his face. His eyes were turning dark. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No it's alright. I did ask. It was all my fault anyway, but it's in the past now."

"What do you mean in the past?" She cocked her head in confusion.

"Well, it's over. You're here with us now. You won't have to do this anymore." He said with a determination is his voice that just ticked her off.

She sat up at once. "What are you talking about? I still need to make a living. I'm not just gonna throw everything away and make myself dependent on you." The nerve of him. Thinking he could just barge in there and rule over her life.

"What?" He fumed. "Are you telling me that after all of this you think you're just going to go back to New York and keep selling your privat parts to those lowlifes?"

"Yes! That's exactly what I'm going to do." He stood up at once flipping over the coffee table, the notebooks all scattering on the ground. "No you're most definitely not!" He boomed. "I will not allow my girlfriend to-"

It was kind of intimidating, but she was too angry to really care. So she jumped off the couch and stood right to him yelling right back in his face.

"To what? Be a whore?" She didn't care how dangerous he was right now. He was not taking over her life. "But I am and I'll do what I need to and you don't get a say. This is MY freakin' life!"

He was snarling and before she could realize what happened he had grabbed her shoulders and slammed her down on the couch. She stared up startled right into his face just inches from hers, twisted in rage, his eyes pitch black. "You are not having sex with any of those scumbags ever again! I will not allow it!" He growled into her face and now she really was scared. He had actually hurt her. Then suddenly he was gone and Alice was standing in front of her. "Enough Edward," she growled as Jasper and Emmett were dragging him out. When they were gone she turned to face Bella.

"Are you okay?" she asked. Bella nodded still stunned. She hadn't thought he would actually get physical. Alice sat down beside her on the couch stroking Strands of hair from her face. "You sure?"

"Uh-huh." But now that the adrenalin was slowly wearing off it ended in a sob and then thick tears started to roll down her cheeks while Alice gathered her in her arms and hugged her to her chest. She was faintly aware of Carlisle probing her shoulders. When he was done Alice lead Bella back to her room and helt her while she cried. The feelings where just so overwhelming now. First the shock and then the guilt. She shouldn't have agitated him so much. She had known that she was leading him into dangerous territorry, but she had been too mad to really care. And now everything was falling apart again. He would disappear again. She just knew it. The tears had just run out when Esme came in with some food. She sat it down on the bedside table. Bella smiled up at her ruefully. "Thanks, but I'm afraid I'm not very hungry."

Esme frowned. "I'm sorry. We should have intervened sooner. We just didn't think that he would … I can't believe he did that. I'm thoroughly embarrassed for my son."

"No it's okay really. It was my fault."

"Don't you even think that," Esme was suddenly very stern. "It was his fault and there's no excuse." Bella was taken aback by her attitude. She had never thought that Esme could get mad. Then she composed herself again. "Try to eat something. You've barely had anything today."

After she was gone Bella looked at Alice questioningly. Alice shrugged. "He crossed a line today. Esme is not gonna forgive that easily."

"Where did they take him?"

"Just outside. Chewing him out a bit." Alice smiled. "Don't worry he's fine. How are your shoulders?"

"Just some bruises I guess. No biggie." Bella tried to brush it off. But Alice wasn't that easily fooled.

"Let me see," she requested and since she was already grabbing the hem of Bella's shirt she gave in. How bad could it be really. Nothing was broken that much was certain. But lifting her arms kind of hurt and an involuntary hiss escaped her lips.

When the shirt was off she found herself staring at Alice's beautiful features twisted in concern. "Please don't look at me like that," she said.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think he would have actually been that … forceful," Alice said trailing the outline of the already dark bruises with her fingers.

"Oh come on. Nothing broken, nothing torn. It could have been much worse."

"Well that argumentation just sucks. Everything is just fine as long as you can still walk away?" She scolded. "You really need to reconsider your standards. You should be furious with him right now."

Bella shrugged her shoulders. "I can't really control how you feel about things."

"I just don't get it. You were so mad at him before when he was just offering his help. I admit he wasn't very smooth about it. But now that you have every reason to be …"

"I don't know Alice. Maybe I just consider this his nature? So it's not really his fault, I guess. I should have known better than to push him so far."

Alice just shook her head at that. "Irrational as always. What are we going to do with you."

"Well for now if you don't mind, you could put your hands over my shoulders. That feels kind of nice on the bruises." Bella answered sheepishly.

* * *

A/N: Well, there it is. Finally. I'll try to find more time to write this, but I can't promise anything except that I plan on finishing this some day.


	14. negotiation

**Runaway by Kibibe**

**Negotiation**

The next morning when Bella opened her eyes again it was because she was feeling strangely warm. That was never a good sign. It instantly made her stomach tighten and a she sat up abruptly. "Alice? Edward?" She sort of shrieked. The rising panic betraying her voice as she scanned the room. They were standing in the doorway just turning to face her. They seemed to have been arguing.

"Morning Bella. I'll leave you two alone." Alice said shooting Edward a stern look obviously communicating something to him with her thoughts. She hated it when they did that. Excluding her.

"Good afternoon sleepy head." Edward greeted her as he sat down on the bed beside her.

"Afternoon? Have I slept that long?"

"About twelve hours. But that's alright. You've had stressful day and a bad night before that." He said tucking a Strand of hair behind her ear. "I have to say I'm truly sorry about what happened last night. I know there's no excuse for what I did, but-"

"It's alright. No harm done." Bella interrupted him. Edward raised his eyebrows tracing the bruises on her shoulders with his fingertips. "Not permanently anyway. I've been much worse." She brushed it off.

"You do realize how horrible that sounds."

"Can't we just let this go already? I don't wanna chew this up over and over again. We made a mistake. It's over. It's done." She tried to brush it off. The topic was making her uncomfortable. It brought back memories of the last time he had been distraught about someone loosing control – when he left her.

He raised his eyebrows. "_We_ made a mistake?"

"Ugh Edward, let it go already! I say we're good - unless you intent to do it again?" She stared him down, daring him to disagree.

"Alright we won't talk about it anymore." He gave in. "Let's move on to another uncomfortable subject then. Shall we?"

"And which one would that be?" Bella asked suspicious.

"Well, Alice said it would be a wasted effort to try and convince you again. So call me a fool, but I just have to try." Bella groaned throwing herself back on the pillow. But Edward wouldn't let himself get put off by that. "Please just quit that job. It's all I want … for Christmas or ever." He finished leaning over her face and trying the best puppy dog look he could muster. His antics would have been funny hadn't the subject been so annoying. So she shoved his head away. "No. End of discussion."

"It's bad for you. We can take care of you. We want to." He went on anyway and Bella tugged the pillow over her head in an attempt to tune him out. "It's not that simple." She muttered into the pillow, sure he could hear her.

"Why not?" He waited for her to answer but she didn't. So he decided to try a different approach. He laid down beside her and carefully pulled the pillow from her grip, exposing her face, which she then tried to hide in the mattress. "Please don't hide your face from me. I've had to live without it for too long already." He cooed, his lips mere inches from her ear.

"I won't if you'll let this go." She tried to sound stern, but she couldn't hold that up. Not when he was so close, wearing that smile and saying those sweet words.

"Why isn't it that simple?" He almost whispered, playing with her hair.

Bella sighed. "You know I still love you. So I can't stay away, even though you might leave me again. But when that happens – let me finish." She insisted when he opened his mouth to protest. "When that happens, I don't wanna be left with nothing again. All I want is a safety net. Is that really too much to ask?"

"Some kind of _safety_ net that is." He grumbled sitting back up. The sweet expression all but vanished from his face.

"Edward." Bella shot him a sharp look. "It's all I have."

"I could give you a better one – a _safer_ one - if you'd just let me. Even though it wouldn't be necessary, because you would never need it." He pleaded.

"Or so you say."

He gave up hanging his head. "And that's what it all comes down to. You don't trust me anymore."

"I can't help it." She whispered, averting her gaze. She really wished to be able to trust him again. It would make things so much easier. But she couldn't. That little voice in the back of her head telling her that he would leave her again just wouldn't go away.

"I know. I'll just have to earn your trust back then." He pulled her into his arms and she nodded against his chest."Well, at least you don't want to be a monster anymore. Now you just want to hang out with them."

"I think I'd still want that, too. If I could be sure that you would want me around for all eternity." A deep frown creased his forehead.

"You know my objection to you becoming one of us was never because I didn't want you around. I do, for all eternity. I just didn't want to take everything away from you. Your life, your future, your family …" He grimaced. "Though it seems you've lost them anyway because of me."

She shook her head, tears springing in her eyes. "Don't go there … and that wasn't your fault. You're not responsible for every bad thing that happens in the world." Then before he could object, she changed the subject. "Anyway, there's another reason I have to stay human for now. I'm not all by myself anymore. There's Roxie." She sighed. "Whom I haven't heard from in …" She tried to calculate it, but soon gave up. "How long has it been?"

"Less than two days."

"Hmm it feels like it's been ages. However, she's in a very bad place right now and I don't know … if I desert her now, I don't know, I'd might have her blood on my hands." Saying those words, she could feel the guild creeping up. Here she was moaning about her one true love and the family she always wanted trying to come back into her life, while her best friend had been exiled by her own mother. Some friend she was, throwing herself a pity party when Roxie needed her most.

"Yeah, given your last conversation you're probably right to be worried." Edward said thoughtfully. "You can't desert her now. So I'll just have to come with you to New York." A smile spread across Bella's face. "I'd love that." She wouldn't have to leave him behind when she had to go back to school. He was really trying. "You could stay in my room."

"I'd be delighted." He leaned down to kiss her. Maybe she could somehow make this work and live with Edward and Roxie in New York. Maybe the rest of the Cullens would move there too, or they could visit them here. The only problem was her job.

"There's just one thing," she mumbled against his lips.

"And what is that?" He cooed.

"Well, what are you gonna do when I'm … you know … at work?" She winced at her own question, wondering if this would push him over the edge again. He'd been quite carefully controlled so far.

His expression hardened and it took a lot of self control to not let his temper get the better of him again. "I'll think of something." He said through his teeth before he got up. "Maybe you should try to call Roxie now." 'And with that he left the room.

Bella winced as the door shut behind him. Here it goes again. He hadn't lost his temper, but he was positively fuming. She tried not to think about that now, though. Roxie was more important right now. So she was going to look for her phone, when she saw it on the night stand. Alice must have put it there for her. Always looking ahead.

She picked it up and pressed the speed dial button. It went straight to voice mail. "Damn." She muttered. The phone was probably dead. Roxie never turned it off, ever. But she left a message anyway.

"Hey Rox. Call me back as soon as you get this. I'm worried." She just hoped that Roxie would still be in a condition where she'd be able to notice that her phone was dead and recharge it. All kinds of horrendous scenarios popped into her head. She tried to turn her mind away from those thoughts. But every other subject was just as uncomfortable. So she still sat there wondering why everything had to be so freaking difficult when the door opened and Alice walked in. "Hey, brought you breakfast." She held up a steaming bowl.

"Great." Bella tried to force a smile and took the dish, then gazed at it in confusion. "What is that?" In the bowl was some kind of grayish gooey substance.

"It's something called porridge. A breakfast dish. I made it myself." She smiled proudly. But the smiled faded when she saw Bella staring at it with disgust. "… and you hate it." She pouted.

"No no, it probably tastes a lot better than it looks." Bella tried to console her. It did not, but she made an effort to not let it show. It was a distraction from her thoughts at least. She wasn't a very good actress, but luckily Alice misread her discomfort.

"She's okay, Roxie I mean. Well, you know, considering the circumstances." Off course Alice could've told her about how Roxie was. Why didn't she think of that.

"What did you see?"

"Well, I can't really see her that clearly." Alice explained. "I've been tapping into you're future and she's there in New York with you. So she's alive, seemingly unharmed and …, well, she's not laughing, but she doesn't look too distraught either."

"Sounds peachy." Bella remarked grimacing. Alice shrugged. "You don't see her returning my call?"

"Well, no because she hasn't made that decision yet. But she might." Bella wished that she could have something of Alice's optimism. To her the future just seemed like a huge dark wall. So frustrating. What would happen with Roxie now? Could Edward really love the person she turned out to be? How could she reconcile her new life and her relationship with Edward?

"You're brooding." Alice stated, pulling her from her revelry.

"Yeah well, everything just seems so difficult." Bella let herself fall back onto the bed with sigh.

"It doesn't have to be. That's just in your head." Alice chirped leaning over her.

"Okay, why do I feel like you're Edward in an Alice costume now?"

That caused Alice to burst out laughing. Then she was suddenly serious again, leaning in closely, her mouth just inches from Bella's. "Really? You're attracted to me?" Bella gulped, unable to look away.

"Stop it, you're giving Jasper ideas again." She protested halfheartedly, the heat rising in her cheeks.

"That didn't sound very convincing." Alice purred. "My first girl crush. Hmm …You think Edward would mind …?"

That broke the spell, however. Reminding Bella how he had left earlier. "I don't know. He was really mad before," she grimaced.

"Okay, mood killer …" Alice huffed, sitting back up. "You know he can't be mad at you for long. He's just frustrated like you. Like we all are. But _I_ do know a lost cause when I see one. So I'll just wait and let the chips fall where they may." Alice said ominously and Bella couldn't shake the feeling that Alice had a pretty good idea about where they were going to fall and she seemed content with it. Otherwise she'd try to avert it. The question was if she'd like it too.


End file.
